One Letter Can Change it All
by Fanfiction Love 2006
Summary: !SLASH! Harry opens a letter from a secret someone and as his days go on he begins to realize that the words hold more truth than first suspected. Harry's perspective is opened and with time, he changes into the person he's always wanted to be- himself.
1. Chapter 1

Hey guys and gals! As it appears, I became inspired to write a multichapter fic based on my _'The Letter that was Not Meant to be Read'_ one-shot. Why did I just start posting a new story instead of continuing that one? Because I feel I should. So nya! :D

**Disclaimer:** _This is ongoing, so I will only say it here in Chapter one. I do not in anyway own the story Harry Potter or its characters. I am simply borrowing J.K.R.'s characters for a bit of twisted fun you and I both can enjoy._

**Warnings:** Yaoi (on profile for those who don't know what that means). I plan on making this a Harry/Voldemort fic- obviously. Language, Rated M for future plans, violence, death, etc.

_I don't know when I'll be updating_, but I hope to have another chapter in my computer each time before I post. Hense why Chapter two is complete and simply waiting for chap three to be written before it's posted. ^.~ YAYS for first Voldemort/Harry Multific! Every author should have one.

Thanks to (ILoveLollipops, jak09, That's Nice, Serlenia, and Crash Boom Bang) for the reviews on the orignial version! This chapter and the entire starting point of this fanfiction is dedicated to you guys!

Enjoy the read so _**I**_ can enjoy _your_ reviews. _**FLAMERS BE GONE** you enjoyment and soul stealing, bigoted bastards!_

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><p><strong>Chapter 1<strong>

_'Today is Valentine's Day... Fuck.'_

Harry say in the Great Hall with the other members of his house. Together, he, Ron, and Hermione sat eating. Ron, as usual, was the first to do both, and- as usual- at the same time, sending pieces of eggs across the table. And Hermione, as usual, scolded him for his manners before going back to her ridiculously large book and replying absently and appropriately to his comments. Harry, though sat quietly, his back hunched and face drawn in a small scowl. Today wasn't just any other day for Harry James Potter. Oh no. He hated this day more than any other day. It was Valentine's Day.

Sighing, he grabbed two pancakes and some bacon. _'Better to just accept it and get over it.'_ Harry was resigned to the day's festivities and sat sullenly at the table, people ignoring his now common behavior. He had long grown tired of receiving letters and gifts from strangers and reading the false declarations of love, the numerous fantasies, and the 'dieing wishes' from admirers. _'Yeah right. Old enough to be dieing, but not yet old enough not to be able to get it up. Ch. Fucking perverts.'_

This particular morning was usually the loudest and most annoying of the entire year- at least for Harry. The Great Hall was alive with the buzzing of whispers, comments, and Merlin knows what else. It didn't matter that they had all just woke up, or that their twenty inch essay in Transfiguration was due before lunch and they hadn't started, never mind finished it, or that their first class after breakfast was double potions with Slytherin. Nothing phased the entire population of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

Nothing, that was, except the quiet hoot of the first delivery owl.

Heads shot up at the noise before chaos erupted. Owls swooped in through the entry above the students and began searching for their owners, dropping letters and packages in every direction. The hall, previously filled with words of excitement and happiness, was now overtaken by cries, screams, and the sound of numerous wings flapping and joyous hoots as food was openly abandoned to the pets in favor of their deliveries.

Just like every year before, Harry looked exasperatedly into the air above him. Several owls were headed straight towards him- post owls, each with a large number of different letters attached to their legs._ 'Thank Merlin for featherlight charms,' _Harry thought absentmindedly.

He scowled as the owls landed around him hooting irritably at him, demanding he take their delivery. They would know about his reluctance, wouldn't they? Stupid intelligent oversized pigeons. He sighed after the lost glaring match between himself and Hedwig, who- believe it or not- seemed just as much amused as she did annoyed and exasperated. In defeat, he reached forward and untied the letters and gifts from each of the birds, gifting each with a piece of bacon or bread before sending them off. Hedwig hooted happily, nipping affectionately at his fingertips before taking flight with the others.

He frowned after her, realizing suddenly that this was the first time she had delivered anything to him on this day since it was always the Hogsmead post owls. He looked down into his hand that grasped the single letter she had brought. Inspecting it, he found that it was a slightly more expensive feel than the others. Turning it over, he spotted only his name written in an elegant hand that could be either boy or girl. Of course he only noticed this in second year when he once saw Malfoy's notes in potions. _'Bloody git writes like a girl.'_

Turning his attention back to the pile, he glared at the ridiculously large number. He was tempted to burn them all. But alas, Hermione had this thing about presents on Valentine's Day. 'They just want to to know they like you, Harry. Don't be rude.' And of course Ron would take her side and say, his mouth overflowing with food or chocolate, 'Yeah mate. Open them up. Who knows, you might even hit the jackpot and land yourself a girlfriend. Maybe a witch from Wizarding Pleasures Monthly's got a crush on you.'

Than Hermione would glare at him and tell him how it didn't matter who is was from, since they all equally spent time writing a letter of love for him.

Love. Hah. Yeah right. He knew that most of these people only wanted him for his name, money, or to make little girl and boy wonders with them. The only time spent on these pieces of troll turd was with a quick quill that did most of the writing for them and a quick gift of candy. He didn't even like sweets.

And the smell. Harry shuddered as the different scents added to the letters mixed into a putrid stench reached his nose. Deftly covering his nose, Harry sighed, aggravated. Grinding his teeth, he picked up the bulk of them and shoved them carelessly into his back before placing the rest just as carelessly into the pockets of his robes. "I'll meet you guys in class. I want to dump these first."

Hermione gave him a disproving glance, shaking her head at him. "Alright Harry. Don't be late."

"Yea, we know that Snape will already be in a fowl mood since we know he didn't get anything today. No point in pushing it mate."

Harry snorted and nodded before turning on the spot and heading towards Gryffindor tower. He had twenty minutes before class so Peeves didn't waste much time in cornering Harry on his way. Only when he realized that Harry was only going to stare silently at his taunts did he leave to find more entertaining bait, with the not so subtle comment of, "Boring Potter," under his breath.

When he finally reached his destination, Harry threw himself onto his bed and groaned in annoyance. _'Can't people just leave me the bloody hell __**alone?**__!'_

Harry shoved the heels of his hands into his eyes hard enough to draw spots. He didn't need false confessions of love from strangers, nor their pathetic attempts at courting him. He was fine as he was.

Sighing again, Harry sat up and reached for his bag. Dumping the entire contents onto his bed carelessly, he felt a small amount of satisfaction as he watched most of them become crumpled and bend as his books landed on them. Repacking his bag with the necessities- potion's book, Transfiguration book, DADA book, quill, ink and spare parchment- he stood up and preceded to empty his pockets just as carelessly. He grabbed fistfuls of paper and just tossed them, not caring where they landed.

Feeling his pocket's emptied, Harry made to turn around before something caught his eye. Turning back around reluctantly, he spotted the letter from before under a few layers of gifts and other letters. Unlike the others, this one was barely crinkled, nearly pristine in comparison. He frowned at it, wondering how it managed to escape his wrath. Curious despite himself, he grabbed the letter and plopped himself back on his bed, not noting the other letters and enjoying the raspy sound of discomfort they made in protest.

Harry rose a single eyebrow in response to the overly simply letter. Aside from the higher price of parchment, it was boring. Only his name decorated the white paper- his first name at that. Though the fact that it came from his personal owl did evoke an interest.

Letting out a high whistle, he fiddle with the envelope for a moment before Hedwig soared into the dorm room, landing on the bed beside him. Briefly brushing his hand over her soft feathers, Harry smiles. "Hey girl."

She hooted in response, staring at him adoringly.

He showed her the letter once she lept onto he shoulder. "Who'd you get this from girl?" He didn't expect an answer, so when none came he merely reclined against his pillows. Grimacing, Harry brought the envelope to his nose before noticing that it didn't give off a scent like the others. Surprised, her turned to Hedwig who only stared at him. Shrugged his shoulders slightly, he took care to not jostle his familiar. "Hopefully it's not as bad as all the rest we get." She nipped his ear in agreement before flying to a perch , taking comfort in the warmth of the room.

Staring at the letter, Harry hesitated before steeling himself and turning the envelope over and tearing ope the slip. He released his breath in a gust of relief when he saw that nothing jumped out at him like a singing cupid. Now that had been a hard letter to handle. He winced at the memory.

Turning his attention back to the letter, he pulled the note out of it, noticing that it was another expensive piece of parchment. _'At least it's only a page,' _the boy thought as he he opened the trifolded paper.

With surprise, he watched as a dark green rose fell from the the previously empty pace, thorns and all. All so suddenly, his room became overcome with the smell or roses, though it must have been spelled to not be too strong. The best part about it was that it immediately consumed the smell of his other gifts, taking away his headache and the rotten smell of cheap chocolate and disgusting perfume.

Inhaling in relief, Harry happily accepted the change in smell and relaxed against the bed, not even realizing that he had tensed up upon opening the letter.

He picked up the rose delicately, careful not to touch any of the thorns. Harry had never seen a green rose before. Petunia never liked roses, and every time she had brought him around the neighbor hood in the car to spy on the gardens of others, he had never seen any this color._ 'It must be spelled that way.' _He caressed the petals and was pleased to find that they were as soft as normal. Pulling his hand away, his eyes were drawn to the fading tints of darker blue where his fingers had just recently retreated to.

Eyes wide with interest, Harry's hand guided back towards the rose, touching the surface again. The tips of his fingers left a trail of blue before they faded into green once more. Harry smiled in awe. "Brilliant."

Placing the gift onto his stomach, Harry returned to the innocent letter, now openly curious as to who had sent him it.

_My Dearest Harry,_

_With this letter I will express to you a truth that cannot be uttered. A horrifying truth though it is- one I will not attempt to reveal in any form after this letter- is simply that, a truth. Just as I am sure this will not be the only letter you will receive on this jointly celebrated and abhorred day, I am also certain that you will most likely discard this letter before your eyes can take in the words formed here. Such facts of truth- though harsh and far crueler to one's heart than any I could possibly achieve, sets my soul as ease. I am free to express the truth to you without fear of revolution, disbelief, humor, or any other heart wrenching emotion._

_To me, you are beautiful- the manifestation of perfection in human form. From your untamed hair to your awkward and constantly skewed glasses which incessantly fall to the very tip of your nose, you are beautiful. I see as you do not the smoothness of your skin, the slender and pleasing motions of your gangly limbs, the grace in your awkward moves, the beauty in your feared Slytherin gift, the fierceness of your skills in battle, the complete and total power you possess, the whole of your self which you give to each person who has a place in your heart. To me, no one can be more beautiful. No one can ever possess the qualities you do Harry. No one. _

_Your midnight hair, messy to the eyes, could only be soft to the touch as my mind will not allow any other belief. I cannot tell you the number of times I've dreamed of running my hands through your dark strands. Whether the reason be for your comfort, my fantasy, or our desire, I do not care. I cannot bring myself to. In any world- yours, mine, reality- any action between us would only be because we felt a desire for it to be done. There mustn't be another reason. Tell me Harry, why must everything have a reason behind it? For this question, even with a vast and seemingly endless supply of knowledge at my feet, I cannot find an answer._

_But that is not all. Your green eyes- such the color of the deadliest curse known to the wizarding world- are as bright and fierce as the blazing sun. Your every emotion is shown clearly, as illuminating to my heart as the lonesome north star is to the dark night. Your love, you hatred, your determination, your loyalty, your courage- no one, my darling, could ever feel as strongly as you._

_No one in this world of beings could ever feel for you as I do- as you do to those who you trust in. They are unaware of how much love you give them, of how much you care for them. They are... undeserving. Do not feel deterred or upset my love, for I feel no one is deserving of your pure heart; the only one, I am certain, ever in existence. Not even I, a truth that pains me to my core, but a truth never the less._

_You are far too good, far too perfect, far too pure to see the evilness around you. As I am a cause of many pains in your life, so are the few you hold dear. But you do not see that as you are left involuntarily blinded to the harm those you trust could do. I do not blame you my serpent, for such facts. Comfort in harsh times- no matter how false- can be the most powerful thing on this planet. And even the strongest of us need comfort in our lives. I know you are mine._

_I would rather you feel safe and comforted by lies then to feel lost without it. Truth... is a harsh thing. Such is the reason that even though I will spill my heart out to you, I will not reveal myself. A name, a person, a face can hold more power, more sway than the truth of words, my love. I know that well. For this, I give you the gift of my heart, utterly and completely, without the limitations of life and society, without the obstacles of beliefs and morals, without opposing factors of sides and choices._

_You have my heart, dear one. You cannot give it back. Nor do I ever wish you to. I am yours as I only ever dream you are mine._

_Life is cruel, is it not my Raven? My Serpent? My love? Humans only feel their most comfort in the darkest and most feared parts of their minds and hearts. In this abyss of darkness, where my life lies and my path is headed, I tell you now; I do and will continue to love you like no other._

_This once, my darling, my perfection, my everything and with utter devotion, love, and sincerity,_  
><em>The Person Whose Heart You Have Completely Stolen<em>

When Harry reached the end of the letter, he noticed it was shaking. _'How odd.'_ Upon closer inspection, he found that it was actually his hand that was moving. _'Oh. Well that makes more sense,'_ he though numbly. Taking a calming breath- and when that didn't work, a few dozen more- he reread the letter once more.

Finally putting the letter down, Harry stared off into space dully, not realizing that simply by reading the letter, he had changed everything.

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><p>Thanks for reading! Don't forget to review! ~*Hearts*~<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

Patience guys! All questions will be answered in time. XD And thanks for the boom of support! I haven't written in a long time so I keep forgetting what it's like to get people to support your story. Keep it coming!

Thanks to phinstrael for being the first reviewer to this story and to Lady Aqualyne whose review made me extremely happy. Please comment if you favorite or alert cause it's weird seeing more favorites than reviews. O.O

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><p><strong>Chapter 2<strong>

"_What a... fucking weird letter."_

What did the person mean by "involuntarily blinded?" Harry snorted. The person- a guy, Harry was almost certain now- was completely nuts! "Far too good, far too perfect?" What did the guy think? The he was some blushing virgin (a virgin he was, but by no means would he ever blush like a bloody girl!) who would fall for his 'oh so sweet' words?

Harry frowned though, as he stared at the letter. It wasn't like the rest of the letter's he received before. Obviously others have tried to gain his attention with some sort of conspiracy or random babbling- none ever succeeded of course, but the point was that they had tried. However, the thing that had Harry somewhat curious was that there was no begging for him to join the person for his safety, where he would be made happy and would live like a king- or in come cases, a queen. Not a single one. More over, there was not any mention of Harry meeting him or anything! Like it was really just meant to express what the writer had explained in the letter.

But that was ridiculous! The letter had obvious parts or persuasion towards the 'dark.' As if it was the first. Harry shook his head in bemusement. He'd had his fair share of crazy, greasy, evil men who probably hated him- oh shit!

Harry suddenly looked alarmed as his mental description had him remembering the one greasy git he couldn't seem to get rid of and quickly cast a _tempus_ charm. Seven fifty-one. Oh fucking hell! Harry was going to be late for potions!

Grabbing his bag off the floor, he quickly dropped the letter into the pile with numerous others before dashing like a demon out of hell to the dungeons, not even realizing that the letter didn't have a return address either.

~0~

Harry burst through the door to his potions class room, chest heaving from his run through the castle. Sweat dabbing his forehead and breath labored, Harry quickly took in his surroundings as he stumbled into his seat in haste. Merlin must have been smiling down on him (even though he knew it was more likely that Merlin was taking pity on the boy-who-lived on this day unlike every other) because Snape wasn't present as of yet.

Said boy only had a moment to sigh deeply and collapse in his seat next to Ron before the door banged open once more, this time relieving the meanest, and arguably the ugliest professor at Hogwarts. If the sneer that exposed yellowed teeth weren't enough to convince you of this fact, the hooked nose and greasy black hair that has never known soap or shampoo most certainly would.

The man walked into the classroom, his cloak billowing behind him in a now common but no less intimidating fashion as he nonverbally spelled the door shut with a resounding slam.

"After five years with you incompetent brats, you should know by now that I don't tolerate lateness. Ten points form Gryffendor thanks to Mr. Potter's tardiness."

The Slytherins snickered and sent him superior glances before focusing on Snape's lecture. Harry only scowled at his professor in hatred, muttering, "You were late too, you bloody git," before sighing in annoyance.

With a glance to his left, he spotted Hermione partnered with Neville Longbottom. As if feeling his gaze, she turned back and met his eyes, giving him a frustrated huff before turning back to their ingredients.

His scowl didn't go away as he got the ingredients listed on the board and joined Ron in making a sleeping potion. As he set them down, his best friend leaned over and whispered, "Don't worry mate. Hermione will gain them back in Charms."

Harry snickered at his statement knowing it was true and finally relaxed enough to trust himself with the directions. Getting to work, his mind slowly forgot the weird letter from earlier as he made to started cutting the frog's tongue into squares. _'I can't believe people actually drink this stuff...'_

~0~

The boy-who-lived-to-constantly-be-on-his-guard slumped into the chair in front of the fireplace. Harry, Ron, and Hermione had just made it back to the common room after a tedious day of classes and the onslaught of classmates who wanted to talk to him and give him gifts. Most of his time between classes was spent hiding behind statues or in abandoned classrooms. Give him a hoard of Dementors, give him a fifty foot basilisk, hell, give him Voldemort! Just keep away the giggling girls and their fluttering eyelashes and their too sweet greetings.

Harry sighed as he felt his shoulders falling and finally releasing the tension he had carried around all day. He hummed in contentment as the warmth of the roaring fire chased off the chill from the February air.

Harry felt his eyes beginning to fall shut before he heard, "You can't fall asleep Harry! You still have to do the essay Umbridge assigned us. It's do Friday." Said boy's eyes snapped open and he glared at the unimpressed Hermione. Hands on her hips and sporting a stern expression, she mimicked the mother she seemed to keep trying to be to him.

Suddenly, he was more than just angry at her. He was fucking pissed. Standing up, he walked until he was not three inches from her face before saying, "Thanks for the reminder _mom_. Sorry if I wanted to rest for only a fucking moment after having to avoid the entire female population for the entirety of my day."

The boy glared at her, his anger making it slightly more intimidating than usual and he gave her an annoyed and disgusted look before stepping back. "My mom died when I was two Hermione. I've lived my life fine without one so I don't need you stepping up to the fucking plate, okay? And as far as Umbridge goes, she can stick her wand and Ministry Status up her bloody fat arse! Got that?"  
>With a swirl even Snape would envy, Harry turned away and headed up to his bed, grabbing his previously discarded bag on his way. The dorm room was deathly silent as they watched Harry storm up the steps.<p>

His feet met stone surprisingly silently as his anger boiled his blood._ 'Just who the hell does she think she is? Always trying to mother me.'_

He opened the door and ignored the fact that Dean and Seamus were playing a game of exploding snaps as he dropped his bag on the floor and threw himself on his bed, carelessly sweeping the pile of letters and gifts off his bed and onto the floor.

Sighing as his head hit the pillow, he closed his eyes and tried to shut out the headache he was suddenly sporting.

After a moment, he heard the shuffling of feet and the shutting of the door letting him know that the two boys had left him alone.

Thank Merlin for small favors.

But he should have known that it wouldn't last. Not when destiny was set on pissing him off half the time and putting his life on the line the other half.

There was a knock on the door.

He ignored it hoping the person would get the hint and leave him alone, but no such luck. The knocking grew louder.

He groaned and turned his head towards the door so he could properly yell, "Bugger off!"

The knocking stopped and he was about to turn back to his suffocating pillow and its harsh darkbess before the person gave up knocking and decided to walk right in.

"God damnit Ron, what?" asked Harry in exasperation. How come no one could understand that he wanted to be by himself?

"Calm down mate!" said the surprised and slightly irritated redhead who closed the door behind him, apparently intent on staying.

Grumbling under his breath and massaging his temple with the heel of his hand, Harry glared at him through one opened eye as he made to sit up. Back against the headboard, Harry raised his knees up and rested his forehead against them. "What do you want Ron?" he asked after one long sigh, his voice tired.

Said boy frowned. "You alright?"

"Fine. Just a headache is all." Harry didn't have to look at the boy to know that he was wondering if his scar was hurting. His hidden eyes narrowed at the thought.

Why did everyone think that if Harry didn't act nice all the time that there was something wrong with him? Bloody hell, was he not allowed to be a fricken teenager, even once in his life? All because of a fucking scar and the death of his parents.

Harry sneered. Why did they all expect shit from him? His actions and his behavior weren't supposed to be like this. He was the Gryffendor Golden Boy and the Headmaster's favorite. Yeah right. The man hadn't so much as spoke a word to him since September.

Why couldn't he just relax and act the way he might if the people around him would just give him a freaken break?

Harry mentally shook his head and raised his head enough to glance at the redhead. He appeared to be glowering at some thought. Frowning, Harry said, "What?"

The boy was drawn from his musings, but not before Harry followed his gaze to the displaced pile of letters that had seemingly grown from this morning.

_'Oh hell. Not this again,' _Harry thought, his body tensing again with anger. He was in no way responsible for that shitty pile of letters and he wasn't about to deal with Ron's unbelievable and unwarranted jealously right now.

"Nothing," the redhead replied, his features scowling before he stood up and walked towards the door. "Ease up on Hermione, will ya mate? She's just worried about your grades." He spoke without turning around. He probably didn't realize that this tone was cold and full of anger and that when he shut the door behind him that it was with more force the necessary.

Harry only sneered at the door. _'Good riddance,' _he thought even though he knew that by tomorrow morning he would have apologized to both of his friends for his sour mood. But for now, he was more than happy to wallow in his anger and annoyance at the two.

Suddenly frowning, he was reminded of the letter from earlier and the words his 'secret admirer' had written. Leaning over his bed, he dug through the pile and found it under a letter from a Ravenclaw girl and some Hufflepuff boy named something like Cedric Diggers or whatever.

Scanning the paper, he found the sentence that called to his memory. _" __But you do not see that as you are left involuntarily blinded to the harm those you trust could do." _Harry had scoffed at it before, but now it didn't seem so foolish.

Thoughts began churning in his head slowly and almost painfully. All the times Ron was irrationally angry or jealous at Harry and the times Hermione kept bossing him around. His mind was foggy as if he couldn't really remember all the bad times with his friends, but once he got a grip on the basic feelings of betrayal and annoyance, the haze shattered into crystal clear sight and memories flung themselves at him willingly.

Ron was always jealous of Harry, no matter what he did. He was jealous that Harry got fame and money, that he was the one famed for stopping Voldemort during his first year, his ability to speak parseltongue, that his godfather was an animagusand a famous marauder. All in all, the guy was practically jealous that he wasn't Harry Potter.

Harry couldn't help it; he laughed outright. It was completely insane! Harry was chuckling madly as he came to the conclusion that Ron Weasley was jealous because his parents were alive and healthy and that his own life didn't get put on the line to face the Darkest Lord in wizarding history each and every year.

And Hermione! She was always trying to control him. Telling him what to do and what not to do. Damn. It annoyed the shit out of him as well as pissed him off. She really believed he couldn't live his life on his own. As if he would perish without her.

The mere thought made him sneer.

How dare she think that! Harry spent every year since the age of two, and every summer since he was eleven going 'home' to be abused, starved, and neglected by his relatives; his 'family.' As if he could even call them that. They were monsters. More so than some Death Eaters.

He came up short at that thought. Wait... What had he just thought? Had he just looked at Death Eaters in a positive light?

Glancing down apprehensively, he stared at the piece of parchment for a moment, holding it as if the smallest pressure could cause it to explode. Feeling suddenly uncomfortable with the thoughts it brought forward, Harry turned to his bedside table and tossed the letter into the practically bare drawer. The only other thing currently occupying it was the rose from earlier. Harry paused, starting at the rose inside for only a moment. He felt the temptation to run his fingers over the soft petals once more before he caught himself and slammed the drawer shut. Keeping them out of site seemed to help cut off the dark temptation waves that seemed to call to him.

He should his head quickly, refusing to think on the letter anymore. He wasn't sure how to feel about being swayed from mere words and quite frankly, he was far too tired to think much more on the subject.

Setting the unopened pile of letters on fire with a simple _Incendio_, Harry threw off his robes and snuggled under the covers of his bed after drawing the curtains closed around him.

It might have been extremely early, but Harry felt exhausted. The day had completely warn him out. And the pillows were so soothing to his aching head.

Eyes drooping shut as warmth once more encased him, Harry couldn't help but wonder what else in the letter was true...

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><p>Thanks for reading! Don't forget to review! ~*Hearts*~<p>


	3. Chapter 3

Oops. Ahaha... yeah, sorry, I forgot to mention that this is slightly AU (Profile for those who don't know what that means) and that Cedric didn't die Fourth Year. Harry still did the tournament, but he reached the cup right before Cedric did. Everything in the graveyard happened the same otherwise. There's no reall importance to this, but whatever.

Yes this is fifth year. I tried to hint at it rather than say it right out. Like snape saying 'five years of these brats,' and throwing in Umbridge.

Thanks for the continued support guys! Please comment if you favorite or alert cause it's weird seeing more favorites than reviews. O.O

And sorry about the wait. Chapter four didn't want to be written in one sitting.

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><p><strong>Chapter Three<strong>

"_So... what now?"_

Harry felt like he was waking up after a month of sleeping. His body was sluggish as his mind fought to grasp at reality. Scrunching up his face in aggravation, Harry turned over and stuffed his head into his pillow, mumbling incoherently the entire time. _'Curse anyone who dares wake me from my slumber,' _Harry thought groggily.

His mind was forcibly dragged from the comfortable darkness around him. 'No... I don't want to wake up yet...' Sleep was always so good to Harry. Well, not when he had nightmares of course. But it was the one time he was peacefully ignorant of his life. When unconscious, Harry didn't have to worry about killing Voldemort, passing his OWLs, or even making his friends happy. He could just... relax.

What had woken him up again?

"Harry! Blo'ie ell! Wake up!"

Oh right. His dorm mates.

Damn. Turning away from the insistent voice, Harry muttered, slightly louder, "No!" His voice was deep with sleep. "Don't wanna."

There was a silence before, all too suddenly, Harry's warmth was pulled from him. The chill of the morning didn't hesitate to sink its claws into his bones.

Eyes snapping open, Harry practically flew from him bed in surprise which caused him to topple of the the edge of his bed.

Landing hard on the freezing floor, Harry let out a loud, and fully awake, "Yikes!" Jumping off the floor, Harry found himself entangled in the sheets of his bed, his heart beating faster than normal. Eyes wide, he stared sightlessly at the ceiling above him, his chest rising and falling rapidly.

There was a chuckle to his right and then full blown later filled the boys dormitory of Gryffendor tower. "You are always so fun to wake up Harry," said the distinct voice of Dean Thomas.

Giving a grin, Harry turned his head to see Dean, Seamus, Neville, Ron, and a few other boys all laughing at him.

Harry rose from his position after pulling himself from the claws of his sheets and turned to the black boy. He teasingly narrowed his eyes. "So you're the one who woke me up?"

Said boy stopped laughing and stared at Harry slightly frightened.

Not giving the boy a chance to answer, Harry inconspicuously grabbed at something behind. Him. "You'll pay for that," his tone was evil.

Dean found himself with a pillow in the face before he could blink.

"Take that!" Harry jumped form the bed and at Dean, causing them both to topple to the ground in laughter. "How do you like the cold ground, hmm?" Not a moment later the entire room had joined in their fight.

Smiling at Ron who was just as out of breath from laughing as he was, Harry gave the boy an apologetic look, silently letting him know he was sorry for yesterday. The boy merely shrugged with a crooked grin and another smile.

He was forgiven.

Harry smiled again as Ron helped him up from the floor before heading off to a quick shower. He was already late and would have to hurry to make it to breakfast with the rest of his house.

The moment the bathroom door closed behind him, Harry lost his smile and scowled. 'Fucking people. They act like nothing has happened.'

Harry turned on the water hot and stepped under the spray. Just let them think that he forgives them. He wouldn't. He was tired of being someone he wasn't for people who obviously weren't worth it. No more.

The boy's green eyes slid shut as he let the water slide down his back. _'No more.'_

~0~

Harry sat between Hermione and Ron for transfiguration and the atmosphere was suffocating. Once dressed, he had walked into the common room to see Hermione heading out. Feeling that he should apologize now weighed on his mind. Part of him just wanted to tell her to bugger off and stop trying to mother him. The other part knew that he should make up with both of his friends if he wanted to be the good Gryffendor.

So he had apologized.

"It's alright Harry. I've noticed you've been really tired and the whole Umbridge thing makes all of us uneasy. Just remember that you have friends Harry who try to help you."

"Thanks Hermione." He had thrown her a false smile and together they had gone to breakfast.

Laying his head onto his book, Harry hid the narrowing of his eyes. Merlin. Who would have thought it would disgust him this much to make his friends happy?

Making a face at the thought, Harry took a deep breath. _'It's fine. One seventh year is over with, I'll leave and won't have to deal with fake friends like them anymore.' _Harry hadn't thought much about it, but it would be best to leave Britain and the war behind. He was tried of being a weapon to people who turned their backs on him when they didn't want to believe what he said. Even when he was only trying to help them! They were ridiculous! He snorted. _'Two-faced cowards were better off forgotten. After all, if they can turn on me that easily, why can't I do the same?'_

Hermione threw him a curious glance at his snort and he only shrugged before raising his head and begin paying attention.

_'Oh grand,'_ Harry thought and he wrote down the noted with the rest of his class. _'Where going to learn how to turn a needle into a cup! We all know how useful that will be.'_

He frowned. 'Stupid classes. This won't help me survive until I can leave.' Suddenly, he glanced at Hermione whose ability to get out of the chair was fighting gravity- and winning. He watched with a raised eyebrow as she waver her hand in the air like a crazed woman.

She has the same classes as Harry, yet she knew more advanced spells and could preform a greater number of average spells because she always reads.

He pondered this while listening to Hermione's explanation of transfiguration theory with only one ear. Was that the answer to his problem?

Harry bit his lip and glanced to the side. Could he self study?

"...and the flow of magic forms the physical aspects of the current design to match those of what the caster intends. However, sometimes the thought is slightly skewed or not clear, so the different spells were created to..."

He bit back a grin. He could. Hermione had an amazing grasp of concept and knowledge, but he doubted she had as much magical ability as he did.

If he could push himself to study and read up on concepts and spells, he was certain he could soon reach her level. Of course that didn't mean he had to flaunt it like her.

It could be his little secret.

~0~

Harry sat in his bed, his curtains drawn around him. He had applied a sticking charm to make sure he had some amount of privacy. The space around him was illuminated by his want that lay to his right, in reach if necessary.

The boy-who-lived caressed the sides of the letter from his secret admirer in silence, contemplating. He had a some time to think on his plans since he had skipped dinner to be alone. Lunch too, now that he thought about it.

He didn't know why, but he wasn't all that hungry as of late. He had too much on his mind. His classes for starters, his homework, his plans for the future, and to top it all off, he had to keep acting his part throughout the entire day which was beginning to grate his nerves. But even more than those things, this letter weighed on his mind.

Every time he thought he might just be over reacting a little with his friends or his plans, the letter would pop into existence in his thoughts, ominously reminding him that his life was always like this; his 'friends' that sought to control him or acted like they hated him on some occasions before they could catch themselves. Aside from having to deal with and worry about people close to him betraying him, he knew that on his current path, he would have to keep fighting for his life until he either lost, or won and took the life of Voldemort.

How hypocritical is that anyway? The leagues of wizards and witches older than him thrust him straight into the war and chose to cower behind him, demanding that he stop the murderer Lord Voldemort since he was evil. They called him evil- and Harry agreed wholeheartedly- because of his actions. Because he kills. So what do they do? Demand that the same child they cower behind- the same child who they ignore, call a liar, and criticize in every newspaper besides the Quibbler- murder a murderer. Why? Because it would stop him.

Harry's hands shook in anger as his mind criticized wizarding Britain. These... these _cowards_ tell him to fight because they're afraid, and to kill to stop a killer.

Suddenly a thought rammed into his mind, one that made him freeze up inside. What if he did? What if he killed Voldemort? He would be a murderer- he would become the very thing they feared. And what then? To kill the strongest Dark Lord in history; what would that mean for him? People would fear him wouldn't they?

Harry's eyes were wide as they stared into space, not seeing the letter within his hands. Would they seek to kill him? Was that his purpose? To kill and be killed?

"_Truth... is a harsh thing. Life is cruel, is it not my Raven? Humans only feel their most comfort in the darkest and most feared parts of their minds and hearts."_

The words were whispered to his heart- to his soul like words poured from a mouth rather than words written a letter. They spoke in a sultry voice, deep and seductive as they pulled at him, begging him to see what he was not allowed to notice before.

_'Fine,'_ the boy thought with finality. If that was their plan than he was more than happy to not oblige. There was no chance that he would allow them to make him do anything he didn't want to do or wasn't ready for. He and he alone would decide what path his future would take. Fuck destiny.

With that thought in mind, Harry observed the letter closely and with an opened mind- something this secret admirer was sure he wouldn't have.

The man didn't give a return address- obviously. If he had, it would defeat the purpose of not telling Harry his name. And since he apparently thought Harry wouldn't have read his letter in the first place, the whole point was moot.

Harry chuckled, eyes wide with recent revelations and alight with excitement for the unknown future._ 'Surprise, surprise.' _Who would have guessed that one letter could change everything in his life?

He needed to get in touch with the writer of this letter. For one, this man knew about his false friends and the lie he used to live. That alone means he may be someone he could trust- especially since he mentioning it in the letter must mean that he had wanted Harry to know. What else though?

If everything he said was true, than so were his... declarations. Harry frowned. If this... _guy_ really liked him, than would he expect something from Harry? It didn't seem so.

The man didn't hide that he was dark- hell, his letter practically threw it out for the world to see. But really, the only thing he wrote was about Harry and his feelings towards him.

Even if he was dark though, that didn't make him a bad person, did it?

Of course not! Sirius was from a dark family and he turned out fine- a little crazy, but Harry was pretty sure that was from the generations of inbreeding in the Black family. And look at Malfoy! He was proud to be a Slytherin and a darker wizard. Although Harry was sure he couldn't kill or hurt anyone, he was still breed dark.

His brows furrowed. Just how many aspects of life had he been blinded to?

Harry sighed and shook his head. It didn't matter anymore. He would see them now. And to start things off, he would give this guy, his secret admirer, a chance. But to do that, he needed to let the person know. And how to do that?

As inspiration hit him, Harry got up from the bed, having released the sticking charm, and opened the widow beside his bed. A High whistle had Hedwig flying through the window a few moments later.

The bird flapped its snow white wings and shook itself, passing Harry an annoyed look which he only chuckled at.

"Hey girl. I need a favor."

She peered at him, waiting. Sometimes he thought she was far too smart to be just an owl.

Smiling, he said, "You know the letter you gave me yesterday?"

The owl stared at him, looking puzzled. A quiet hoot let him know she didn't understand.

Smile dropping off his face, Harry frowned. He retrieved the letter and held it up for her. "At breakfast, you gave this to me. I need to know if you could give a reply to the sender."

She blinked owlishly at him, letting him know she didn't understand.

After a moment of disbelief, he chuckled which soon developed into full blown laughter that gave way to a cackle he couldn't contain. The guy had confounded his bird!

He wasn't sure if he was more pissed or impressed. Hedwig never left school grounds except when he sent her to deliver a letter to Sirius. The man must have known and seen her before casting a spell on her.

Once Harry got control of himself, he pet her head before gently tapping her beak. "It's okay girl. Sorry to have bothered you." He pulled out a treat from his trunk and gave it to her before sending her off.

Well, if he couldn't find the man that way, there was only one thing to do. Still quietly chuckling to himself, Harry hit the letter once more and left the rooms.

He had just past the portrait hole when Hermione and Ron turned the corner. Upon seeing them, he had to stifle a groan._ 'And there goes my good mood,'_ he thought forlornly.

"Harry!" Called Hermione when she caught sight of him. "Where are you going?"

He fought the urge to glare. _'None of your business!' _"Oh, just to the library for some research."

She brightened, but the look faltered. "Why? I've got all the texts for our Transfiguration assignment."

"I'm not doing it for Transfiguration." He was beginning to grit his teeth. How had he put up with her all these years again?

"Then what are you researching?"

This time he didn't stop himself in saying, "None of your business Hermione! Can;t I do anything without having to double check with you first?"

Hermione's eyes widened in surprise and Ron immediately cam to her rescue. "Mate, come on. You don't have to bite our heads off if we ask what's up. We're worried about you."

Harry snorted and rolled his eyes. "Your right, a friend doesn't bite their friend's heads off when their worried about something." He was so tempted to tell them that he wasn't their friend anymore, but instead opted for, "But it's different when you guys ask every day! I mean, you have to know what I'm doing before I even know! Give me a damn break will ya?"

The boy-who-lived pushed past his 'friends' and gave an annoyed sigh as he passed the steps to the Grand Staircase. 'Merlin. You'd think they were put up to half the shit they did. They're like babysitters.'

Harry paused, foot mid step, eyes wide. _'Was it possible?'_ Did someone really have them following him? But that was stupid. The only one with that kinds of power was... the headmaster. A sudden hiss of anger escaped his clenched teeth. Dumbledore wouldn't have put them up to keeping tabs on him, would he?

Then again, he had been acting a little weird. And Harry was sure Dumbledore wouldn't want to loose his precious weapon.

With a sneer, Harry continued walking, this time with a quick and determined pace. That's the only thing that made sense. And since it had to be true, that could only mean that Dumbledore was manipulating his students for his purposes. Just like he had been manipulating Harry all his life. Well, that stopped here. The man had just lost his trust along with any hope of Harry willingly helping Dumbledore with anything, including this stupid war between two very stupid and egotistical men.

As he entered the library, Harry paused to take in the smell of books in an attempt to calm himself. And to his surprise, it did.

Opening vivid emerald eyes, Harry let out a grin that looked positively evil.

He would find a way to get in touch with his secret admirer if it was the last thing he did. And along the way, Harry would become strong on his own. He didn't need Dumbledore or Voldemort. He would make his own way with his power. And it all started here.

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><p>Thanks for reading! Don't forget to review! ~*Hearts*~<p> 


	4. Chapter 4

Hey all! Sorry I haven't written in a while, but I haven't been feeling up to writing with all that's going on in my life. And with this current onclaught of school work, it might be a little longer than normal wait for chapter five as I try to finish chapter six.

On a personal note... I'm not just yet finished with chapter five, but I have a good start, so I should finish it today. I was waiting until 50 reviews to post this new chapter. XDD Thanks ILoveAnime89 for being my 50th reviewer! Lots of love readers!

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><p><strong>Chapter Four<strong>

"_Well... doesn't this suck."_

Harry groaned in discontent as he felt sleep leaving him. As he turned over in an attempt to fall back asleep, Harry felt warmer and slightly heavier than normal.

Blinking open his eyes briefly and erratically, he glanced down at himself. Groaning again, this time at his own stupidity, Harry closed his eyes again, an annoyed frown marring his lips. _'Damn.'_ He had fallen asleep in his robes.

Sighing when sleep refused to claim him, the boy-who-lived dragged himself most unwillingly from the clutches of his bed, blinking blearily around him until his eyes focused behind lenses. Running a hand through his disheveled hair, Harry stood and turned back to survey his bed.

Sheets a mess and pillows flat from sleep, Harry took the most pride in the several books that lay scattered along the length of his bed.

Yawning widely to the point that his jaw popped, Harry stretched, relaxing his muscles and giving them time to wake up. Scratching the back of his head, he stared at the books as he remembered grabbing them from the library last night.

Smiling, Harry grabbed the open book he had fallen sleep reading the night before. _Transfiguration Theory for All Ages_ by Jocelyn Bracker. It was simple, but Harry intended to start with understanding the basics first. Besides, Madam Pince told him, looking quite shocked that he held an interest in the book- or any for that matter- for the first time in his entire school career, that it built on the basics and got more complex. She mentioned how surprising it was that is wasn't on the required school list for books since it covered theory from first year all the way to seventh year. He had read and reread over the first three chapters which covered everything from basics to descriptions and the influence of spells.

Smiling down at the book, he thought, _'Should have found this first year.' _Everything was so easy to understand now that he knew what Transfiguration _was_, let alone how to do it.

Shifting the book in his grip, Harry pulled out his wand and cast a quick tempus charm. Five thirty. Odd considering he never, and on Merlin's soul, _**never**_ woke up early and he was well rested even though he knew he had to have fallen asleep sometime after midnight.

Shrugging the occurrence off, Harry gathered clean cloths and walked into the bathroom to take a shower. _'More time to study.'_

_~0~_

Harry came out of the shower dressed in his uniform slacks and shirt, a fog of smoke trailing behind him as he made his way back to his bed. Since it was Friday, he had History of Magic first period and was in no rush to get ready.

Suddenly remembering he had an essay due in Defense Against the Dark Arts after lunch, Harry scrambled out of bed to grab a sheet of parchment and some ink and a quill. "Shit, shit, shit!"

Tossing his DADA book onto his bed and carefully setting down his supplies, Harry opened to the page that detailed Dark Pixies and began to read.

"Over nine hundred years ago, it is believed to be that the Dark Pixy came about by..."

Harry finished the chapter in half an hour and started on his essay. But even as he concentrated on writing the page an a half essay on the damages pixies pose to the Ministry of Magic- which was complete bull, by the way- Harry was inspired to get a more informed and detailed book on Magical Creatures. _'I'll have to send Hedwig out to pick up a Flourish and Blotts book catalog,'_ he thought absently.

Putting his finished and spell dried essay in his bag as his dorm mates began to wake, Harry sat determined to no longer wait until last minute for his work. If Hermione could finish it early, so could he. Besides, when he finished his work early, he'd have more time to read which he was sourly disappointed that he didn't have the time to do this morning. And the first step to doing his work early and well, was to take notes. Good notes.

He had realized when reading over his old ones that they were unorganized and messy. There was hardly any information in them that he could understand. And the scribbled Snitch flying around in the corner of his parchment did little to help him study.

When another tempus charm revealed that is was nearing seven thirty, Harry rose and finished dressing before leaving the dorms early, giving the Transfiguration book one last longing glance.

It took only a few minutes to reach the Great Hall and as he walked calmly in, he was taken by a small amount of interest in the fact that there was hardly anyone around. Seeing the place so empty gave him both comfort and a minor nagging in the back of his head.

Mentally forcing the annoyance away, Harry sat at the Gryffendor table and started filling his plate as more and more people started trickling in. He had already finished two pancakes and some french toast by the time Hermione sat down beside him, huffing.

He merely raised an eyebrow curiously at her behavior.

Rolling her eyes, she said exasperatedly, "I was looking for you everywhere Harry. Why did you leave early? You're never up at this time."

He narrowed his eyes in anger before clearing his face. _'Why is everything I do your business?'_ "I didn't sleep well last night," he informed her, shrugging dismissively. "I was up so I just kinda... went to breakfast." He shrugged again. "Sorry." _'Not that I should have to be,'_ he mentally added.

This seemed enough to placate her and she nodded. Before turning towards him fully. "I wanted to get to you early enough so that we could get your essay done for Defense class."

At this, he smirked, his amusement overcoming his anger at his know-it-all friend. "No need. I already finished it."

Oh Merlin did he take great pleasure in seeing shock cross Hermione's face.

"Y-you-"

"Yes, Hermione, I finished it."

She shook her head, looking slightly angry. Frowning, she said, "You shouldn't lie Harry. Come on, I'll help you with it. But this is the _last_ time."

He gave her an irritated look. "It wasn't a lie."

She sighed. "Harry-"

"Ugh!" Glaring as he turned his back to the girl, Harry rummaged through his bag and took out his essay before waving it in front of her face. "See? It wasn't a lie."

As he moved to stuff it back in his bag, Hermione grabbed his arm, effectively stooping him. "There's no way you finished it without my help Harry- especially in the time frame you had. Let me look it over and correct it."

He threw her a disbelieving look. "Excuse me?" Harry felt irrational anger rising inside of him. How dare she think that she was better than him! First believing that he was helpless without her and then that he couldn't even do his work correctly. Did he give off a completely moronic appearance? He knew he didn't, so her behavior was absolutely unwarranted.

Placing his essay neatly in his bag after tugging his arm free, he closed it before turning a frozen glare at her just as Ron sat down across from them. "No thanks _Hermione_. You may think I'm completely incompetent to do my own work, but I'm **not**. And hey, since you're _so_ sure that you know everything, maybe you should become an adviser! I'm sure Voldemort would appreciate a mudblood telling him what he should and shouldn't do based on you narrow minded opinions and fucking biased morals."

He ignored her gasp at the insult to her parentage and sneered at her as he rose, his appetite lost even though he hadn't eaten since breakfast the day before.

"Oi! What the hell is wrong with you?" demanded Ron, his face red with anger. It didn't match his flaming red hair and definitely didn't do his face any justice.

"Oh, bugger off Ron. I'm not in the mood to listen to your useless ramblings."

With that final note, he picked up his school bag and walked straight out of the Great Hall ignoring the mutterings and whispers of his school mates as news of the fight between the Golden Trio spread like wildfire through all years and houses.

Like he cared. They could all drop dead in this war for all he cared.

Harry headed back towards his common room to grab his Transfiguration book. Since he had eaten and left early, he had over half an hour to read more and that's what he intended to do. Especially since he wanted to start one of the other tombs and he'd have to finish _Transfiguration Theory for All Ages_ before he could continue.

With that in mind, Harry sped up his pace, the only thought in his head telling his admirer to wait for him. _'I'll meet you soon and prove that I'm more than you think. It'll just take a little time.'_

~0~

Harry sat through Potions silently, ignoring his partner as he set all the ingredients on the table and began working.

History of Magic had been as boring as usual and he noticed many people sleeping through it. Usually he would join them, but he opted for getting farther into the book instead. Feeling eyes on him, he glanced up and caught a suspicious and upset Hermione staring at him before she glanced away.

Whatever. He was better off without her mothering and know-it-all attitude.

Turning back to his potion, he spotted Neville about to drop eagle liver into their cauldron. Using his quick reflexes honed for Quidditch, Harry grabbed the boy's wrist, only just restraining himself from yelling out a 'No!' that would surely have alerted the entire class.

The boy looked up, shocked. "W-what is it Harry?"

Forcing himself not to groan at the luck of having Neville Longbottom as a potions partner, he brought his hand that was now deathly locked around his partner's wrist down and away from the potion.

Sighing in relief when the boy dropped the ingredient on the table, Harry released him, ignoring Neville who grabbed his abused wrist delicately and began to lightly rub it.

"You can't add in eagle liver until after your fourth circuit of two full clockwise turns, a counterclockwise turn, and another clockwise turn once the fish's gill have been added." Wow... had he really just said that?

Harry glanced down at the book and reread over the directions silently while beginning the first circuit. To his surprise, he was right. Puzzled, he took one more look over before realizing that he had unconsciously memorized how to make the blood replenishing potion when he had read it over yesterday in preparation for class. Having never done that before, Harry smiled briefly to himself, happy that he was already improving.

Suddenly, a thought came to mind. How was he able to memorize the entire list without help? He'd never been able to do that before... Or had he? Then again he'd never tried. Pursing his lips, eyes still focused in the general direction of the book, Harry tired to recall some of the information for the Transfiguration book currently sitting in his bag.

'_Many of the spells created are unneeded for a mastery or even an adept Transfiguration student since they only aim to help the aim on end product of the Transfiguration itself. A Transfiguration master may only need the correct power and concentration to transfigure an object into another. Students, even those with a large understanding of the material and spells themselves, will have difficulty with transfiguring objects without focusing spells. It takes a great deal of power to change an object into another as well as a very strong mind to have the correct transformations for the object they seek to change. Page 32, Introduction to Spells.'_

Blinking in surprise, Harry sat, slightly shocked. _'That was word for word what I read in the library when I started reading it!' _Was it a spell? A potion? He hadn't taken any of those though. He frowned. A photographic memory? But no, that couldn't be it. However, it was only now that he remembered it.

A memory of the fog across his mind reentered his brain as well as a possible answer that he hoped was wrong.

When searching for his friends' betrayals, he had been almost blocked by a muck in his head- almost like wall of fog. Having broke it, he had remembered everything that it kept hidden concerning his friends. But what if it hadn't just held back his observations and resentment of Ron and Hermione. What if... what if it had also been created hinder his ability to recall things?

A spell? It seemed likely. But who? Of course, there really was only one answer. Dumbledore. Harry gripped the desk as possibilities solidified into facts and pieces fell into place like a puzzle he hadn't know he was trying desperately to finish.

Only Dumbledore would have the guts and no quarrel about using a spell on his weapon to keep him dependent on his friend's knowledge and to lock him into place at his side. '_That fucking bastard! He's toying with me!'_

Harry grit his teeth together as his Avada Kadavra green eyes flashed momentarily in uncontrollable red hot anger. Just how far was that man going to go to get everything he wanted?

Biting the inside of his check as he turned back to his potion, he tried to calm down. It would do no good to lose it in a dungeon full of eyes reporting to both Dumbledore and Voldemort. Who knows what would come of it.

Forcing himself to cool off, Harry took a deep breath and suddenly felt calm as he thought he cough the scent of lavender and vanilla mixed together in the air. Surprised yet drawn to his now favorite scent, Harry discreetly took another sniff, feeling slightly depressed when he realized it was quickly dissipating in the air. Shaking his head, Harry turned towards Neville and began to explain why he couldn't add the ingredient in while at the same time mixing the potion.

"The turns are important to mix the gills into the potion with accuracy. Potions are done in a way similar to levels. Before you can start on the second, the first has to be done completely and thoroughly before it is strong enough to have another level build on top of it.

"Fish gills hold a replenishing component in them that makes the entire potion usable in the first place. If you added eagle liver before it was completely mixed into the solution, you are completely messing up the levels as both components are then mixed together. Eagle liver helps make the blood stronger so as to be enough to help the blood flow. You need both of these to be done perfectly or else the entire time making the potion was a waste and the person you needed it for is dead."

The boy started at him, his mouth hanging open.

"What?" Harry snapped in irritation.

Neville had the decency to blush and look away. "N-nothing. I just didn't know you such a grasp on potions."

Finally adding the eagle liver, Harry snorted and said, "Yeah, neither did I. It's new."

Hearing the sarcastic tone in his voice, Neville relaxed a bit and smiled at him. "Well... what you said makes sense. Everything in this," he motioned to the potions book that lay in front of him with a scrunched up look on his face, "makes absolutely no sense to me- at all."

Harry snorted. "Yeah. I know."

Looking bashful, Neville asked, "Harry... could you... you know... teach me?" At Harry's surprised look, he hurriedly continued, "I mean you don't have to of course! But like... I'm really bad at potions. And every partner I get just does it for me or messes it up too. Hermione only mutters under her breath as she makes to fix my mistakes. No one actually helps me learn. And since you know, um, about it I- I was just... Never mind." The boy was embarrassed and rubbed the back of his head.

Laughing it off and feeling happy for the first time in a few days, Harry smiled fondly down at Neville. The boy may not know a thing about potions- or any other class besides Herbology- but he was a true friend. He didn't fake anything to be with someone or tried to be someone he wasn't. "Okay Neville."

The boy looked up, startled. "I'll help you."

As Neville smiled happily, a grin that stretched the length of his face, Harry thought that maybe, just maybe, he might take Neville with him when he escaped the war.

With a smile of his own, though not so large- merely a quirk of his lips- Harry set about continuing the potion, explaining each step of the potion and its important features while Neville followed closely, even going so far as to take notes.

~0~

Harry laid in bed, the day's events no longer plaguing his head as he finally finished Theory for all Ages. Setting the book down with a proud and content feeling in his chest, the boy-who-lived was about to grab the next book, Potions- What Every Young Brewer Should Know- when he realized it must be about midnight. Sighing and rubbing his eyes, Harry decided to hold off on reading- if only to wake up earlier tomorrow and continue then.

Sighing as he took off his glasses and spelled his curtains shut around him, Harry, dressed and ready for bed, got underneath the covers and rested against his pillow. Not ten minutes after staring into the darkness around him, sleep claim him.

It was this night, in its peaceful and silent darkness, that Harry, for the first time in years, dreamed.

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><p>Thanks for reading! Don't forget to review! ~*Hearts*~<p> 


	5. Chapter 5

So I haven't bothered to write chapter six, so it may be a long while before I update since I've decided to only write when I feel like it (cause I've discovered that otherwise the chapter comes out like shit and leads the story down.)

I hope you enjoy this, I like the way it came out. :D Longest chapter so far! Woot! I'd love your support!

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><p><strong>Chapter Five<strong>

_"This is my life...shit..."_

It wasn't often that Harry dreamed. Usually he was thrown into nightmares without his consent or pulled into what seemed to Harry like daily torturing sessions. For him, it had always been difficult to pull at his mind and acknowledge that he wasn't sitting on a thrown with cloaked figures at his feet, bowing and trembling in delicious fear. His mind so interconnected with the Dark Lord's, it never occurred to him until he awoke in sweat that what he saw wasn't real- at least, to an extent. He was not the leader of the Dark, not out to destroy Albus Dumbledore, and not readily tossing out cruios as if they were slaps on a child's bottom. To Harry, his nightmares were real for every moment he slept and haunting memories for every moment of remembrance following his wakening.

This, though, was different. This was definitely a dream.

Harry was surrounded by heat; comfortable, yet ironically near stifling. He knew he lay on a bed simply by the feel of sheets against his bare back. It wasn't all that of a surprise since he did sometimes sleep without a shirt. Similar in state of dress was his bare butt, a slight abnormal occurrence. Yet he had no reason to feel that that was any particular sense of worry since his lower half was completely covered by another sheet. Both were light weight, thankfully, so they didn't add to his already warmer than normal body temperature. Curiously and comfortingly, he realized, perhaps belatedly so, that they were in fact his dorm sheets.

Odd, considering he didn't hear Ron's monstrous snore or the mumblings of Seamus about Dean in drag. _'I don't remember casting a silencing spell before bed.' _Perhaps he simply didn't remember. He _had_ been rather tired lately after all, with all his studying and lack of eating and proper sleeping hours. Maybe it wasn't a dream after all.

"Harry..."

Said boy looked up, at the same time suppressing a shudder at the deep sensual tone of the voice. At the foot of his bed- an exact replica of his bed at Hogwarts, but apparently larger, sat a beautiful and obviously male form.

Harry gulped as the tight black pants and gray shirt clad figure slowly crept towards him out of the darkness, his slim and deceivingly delicate form was revealed as his muscles tensed and released in harmony with his graceful and completely sinful movements.

Throat suddenly parched, the boy-who-lived darted his tongue out to wet his dry lips.

The figure chuckled in response as he now loomed over Harry's half covered form, his arms and knees on either side of Harry's head and hips supporting all his weight. "It's not nice to tease Harry." The voice could temp God himself to take a bite of the forbidden fruit and join Satin in Hell. And if for some reason God was immune to his voice, his body would certainly take up the job.

Mouth gaping slightly at the sudden heat the enveloped his entire body, Harry licked his lips again as he stared into the face of the man above him. Covered by shadows that shouldn't be there, the man was faceless, hidden as if by choice. Still, dark brown hair fell in ever so slight waves down his neck, seemingly reaching for Harry, begging him to caress them.

"T-tease?" Harry finally got out, silently cursing himself for stuttering.

The figure chuckled silently at this, his chest vibrating slightly. "Leave it to my raven to still not see how beautiful he is."

"Raven?" The word struck a chord in Harry. Sitting up as if on reflex, Harry watched as the form gracefully sat back on his hind legs, instantly meeting and reacting to his sudden movement like flowing water.

His face still cloaked in shadow, the man tilted his head a little, a pleased aura coming off of him in gentle almost nonexistent waves. Harry was sure that had the man had a face, he'd be smiling.

"You're my secret admirer?" asked Harry, his voice high with disbelief and a small adrenaline rush.

The faceless figure chuckled again and leaned in a bit as his right hand rose to touch Harry's cheek gently, applying more pressure when the boy didn't pull away. "I am nothing more than what you want."

"Meaning what?" Harry leaned back as the man leaned minutely closer, his eyes narrowed in suspicion and confusion.

Seemingly disappointed and displeased with Harry's retreat, the form pulled back his hand before once more sitting on his hind legs, his hands laying limp on his lap. "I'm the face to the name. So to speak." He added the last part, light humor coloring his voice.

_'Ah, so he knows he was faceless. Now it's not so awkward staring at it,' _Harry thought sarcastically to himself.

The man continued. "You wanted me, so here I am. To do what you want me to, to be here with you, to tell you, in every truthfulness that exists in this world, that you are perfect as you are." The man reached forward and began running a soothing hand through Harry's hair.

The boy was silent a moment as he contemplated the man that sat on his captured legs. "So you're a figure of my imagination?"

A nod.

"Why are you here?"

"Because you want me Harry."

Said boy couldn't hide a shiver at the way that voice caressed his name as it rolled from his lips as well as the meaning in his words. The hand in his hair had calmly fallen to his shoulder where it gently touched the juncture of his neck, the pads of his fingers flawless and soft as the prodded absentmindedly, exploring and exploiting his weak spots. It was a learning touch, one that was meant to start them all.

That thought sparked a shudder that shot down his spine sharply. Harry bit his lip suddenly, realizing exactly what was going on. "You're not real then."

"Not in this body, no." The man leaned closer, ignoring when Harry pulled back in reflex, and simply followed his movement once more. Pressing the side of his face, a shockingly solid form obscured by darkness, against the boy's, the man whispered, his breath hot against his ear, "But I'm as real as I need to be- in both your dreams and in reality."

Biting back a gasp and clenching his stomach and back muscles in a tense and restraining pose, he got out in a somewhat breathless voice,"So you're not doing these things. You're just doing what my minds wants- what's it's making you do. Just like what you're saying."

This time, Harry heard the the man let out a light and cut laugh as he pulled back only to lean in and press lips against his own before pulling back quickly. "Perhaps. I only say what you believe I would."

"I-is that so?" Harry asked, trying to gain back some stable ground as his mind weaved in between logic and thinking about the soft lips that touched his own. "And- and your actions?"

There was a definite smirk in the man's voice as he answered, "Same. What you want, but don't know, and what you hope I would do as myself." The man leaned in and placed butterfly kisses along the side of Harry's neck not occupied by his teasing hand.

Gasping uncontrollably as the mouth opened over his pulse and hot breath fanned across the sensitive skin there as a tongue gently lapped the area, Harry arched slightly towards his partner.

The man chuckled again in response only to begin sucking a moment later. "So... so I can make you do anything I want?" It was getting hard to think and speak as the man's hands began to softly wander his chest, touching the skin and seemingly adoring it.

Harry felt the lips on his neck form a smile before he pulled away enough to be able to stare at Harry in the face- if he had a face that was.

"If you wanted a kiss, all you had to do was ask." Without another moment's worth of words, the man reached up and pulled Harry's head towards his own where their lips met in a chaste kiss.

Feeling their lips meet again, Harry felt his want to have the man kiss him finally subside only to grow stronger like a fed inferno. _'More...'_ His lips were so soft on Harry's own. _'I want more.'_

Even as he thought it, felt it, the man's lips opened on his own and a deliciously wet tongue reached out to caress his bottom lip, begging for entrance. Granting it without thought to the action, Harry gladly opened his mouth and met the slick tongue with his own. As they battled, Harry tasted second hand something that drove him into the man's mouth, pushing to taste and mark every corner of the other's mouth.

He hadn't won the battle- not by a long shot, but when he tasted vanilla in the man's mouth, at the same moment that he had moved up Harry's legs and pressed their growing erections together, the boy moaned, giving himself over to his secret admirer.

Harry leaned up to press his naked chest against the man's clothed one and ran his hands through his hair, satisfying an itch he hadn't known he had until he felt the soft waves pass through his fingers.

The man slowed their frantic and hot kisses down, slowly and reluctantly before finally pulling back with a final chaste kiss. Feeling the man stare at his face caused Harry to suddenly blush and look away. He felt the other chuckle even as his deep breathing reached Harry's ears.

Turning back to face him with a frown that bordered on a pout, Harry asked, put off and somewhat shyly, "Why'd you stop?"

Harry only assumed that the guy smiled when he said, "Because it's time to wake up Harry."

~0~

Harry awoke up with a jolt, his breath labored and his body feeling warmer than normal. Covered in a light sheen of sweat, Harry cursed under his breath, as he cast a tempus charm and caught his breath. '_Five thirty. Again.' _

Feeling his heart beat finally slow, Harry sighed as he rose from the bed, taking notice of his clothed form. _'Right. It was just a dream,'_ he thought as he made his way into the bathrooms adjoined to the boys' dorm. As he turned the light on, he spotted his reflection in the mirror, somewhat surprised to see himself.

Short for his age, Harry was thin and bordered on skin and bone. He wasn't deluding himself, he knew that without the meals at Hogwarts to at least give him some weight during the year, only to loose it all during the summer, that he would either be dieing or dead of starvation. His relatives hardly fed him at all unless they were satisfied with everything he did- which, ironically enough, was everything for them. They ignored the fact that it was impossible to make their normal home on Private Drive immaculate when he hadn't been fed in half a week, and they were similarly content to not feed him because of his inability to complete his chores.

Still, with what weight he did have, it was put on correctly. That is to say, his Quidditch practice helped in giving some form, definition, and appropriate distribution of his muscles. He wasn't built, but his body was lethal. He was faster, quicker than others. More agile.

Leaning towards the mirror as he scrutinized his face, Harry saw his green eyes, his eyes the only thing his mother left him. They were sharp; sharper than they had been in a long while. Filled with new knowledge and understanding, he had lost some of the shadows he had carried with them for as long as he could remember. Despite his lack of sleep, he didn't have bags under his eyes and he looked alert.

His hair, as dark and messy as ever, pulled off the out of bed look which was more accurate now then usual. Running a quick hand through his hair, mussing it up in the process, Harry let out a sigh. It was impossible to do anything with it. _'Hm. Maybe I'll let is grow out a bit and see if I can get something done.'_

Harry continued to stare into his pale face and wondered why he was so light. _'It's only been a week since the last game.' _Then again, it might very well be his last. With all the new rules Umbridge was passing, it looked like a Quidditch ban was soon coming. Not that he really cared, he surprised himself by realizing. _'It takes too much time out of studying anyway.' _Though he will admit, he would miss the wind flying past him as he flew on his broom.

As his eyes raked his form, they fell to his neck. Smooth. Flawless. As usual. A hand came up to cup his tingling neck, feeling as if he was still being touched by his secret admirer. His skin prickled where the man's lips had kissed him and Harry thought it weird that he wouldn't have a mark.

Suddenly, he snorted slightly, rolling his eyes as he turned away from himself and started the shower. Perhaps it was weird that he was thinking that a figment of his imagination should have left a mark when sucking on his neck in a dream.

Laughing quietly at himself, Harry got into the shower and started preparing for the day.

~0~

Sitting in the corner of the common room, Harry sat reading, trying to be a part of the group that surrounded him while at the same time trying to keep his distance. He had given up on reading in his dorm room as the solitude began to irk Harry for an unknown reason. So there he sat, calmly ignoring the loud and annoying chatter of his fellow house mates as he worked on the _What Every Young Brewer Should Know_, while at the same time making notes in his actual Potions book. Not that he needed too, he thought somewhat sourly.

If he really did have a photographic memory than it was all for show. But better safe than sorry. Besides, it was a good habit to get into. Who's to say if his sudden ability is only momentary or limited? No, he was safer taking notes so he could look back in case his capacity to remember it all suddenly fell apart on him.

He found his books closed and himself in the middle of identical redheads before he had time to realize they were making their approach.

"We heard you had a blow out with ickle Ronnikins."

"So we came to congratulate you."

Rolling his eyes as a smile found its way onto his face, Harry sighed in happy exasperation. The twins were probably the only Weasleys he could currently stand, though he'd have to find out more about Bill and Charlie to make sure. They were truly loyal to their friends and Harry knew that they weren't befriending him for whatever cause or reason Dumbledore had spouted. And for that, he was able to relax.

"Yeah, well, your brother's getting on my nerves."

Fred said, "Our brother?" He tapped his chin and made a thoughtful face. He looked at his twin. "George?"

"He's not related to us, of that we're sure," George said, draping an arm around the back of Harry's chair.

They joked plenty about Ron, their mom, Percy and Ginny not being related to them, but it was only until now that he wondered if perhaps it wasn't all in jest. They had seemed to disappoint certain family members and they did seem rather distant from them. He could only guess that it was because they disapproved of the twin's incestuous relationship. Not that they would actually know about it since they were careful about when and where they expressed their... feelings. But they still had their suspicions.

As a matter of fact, the only reason Harry knew was because over time, he would occasionally glance at them and see a different kind of light in their eyes when they looked at the other, or when their hands brushed far too often to be accidental. Many blew it off as Weasley or Twin closeness, but Harry knew it had to be something more. He never stopped being their friend or judging them. Hell, who was he to judge? Emotionally stunted Harry Potter. Ha, yeah right.

Maybe they wanted to disown their family? Being almost seventeen, and with enough money to start their joke shop, they could certainly accomplish it.

"Ah, how could I forget," he joked. "The only family you guys have is the other- the only one with the ability to stand your presence."

"Oh, Harry," Dramatically gasped George as he slid off the arm of the seat and fell onto Harry's lap rather harshly causing the younger and smaller boy to wince slightly.

"You wound us deeply!" completed Fred, who held his heart and put on a hurt look.

Truly smiling for the first time in a while, Harry only laughed and was soon joined by the twins.

"But seriously, who could stand his company?" asked George, throwing his thumb in the direction of his brother.

"Me?" He mocked. "You're the one who scares people away! You're completely ugly! It's hideous!"

"Ugly? Let me tell you, I'm one of the sexiest people around."

"Why, thank you Frorge."

"Anytime Gred."

Harry snorted. If it was one thing he wouldn't get tired of, it was their endless jokes about their identical looks.

"As cute as it is to listen to you bicker like a married couple, I think I should get going." It was getting uncomfortable with everyone sending him looks under their lashes and over their shoulders when they thought he wasn't looking.

"Of course little brother," they said simultaneous.

"Let us know if Ronnikins gets out of hand and we'll prank him so bad he'll be seeing Slytherin colors for weeks."

George nodded from beside him.

"Of course Gred," he responded and waved to the two of them before grabbing his books and leaving the portrait hole and the noisy Gryffindor common room behind him.

~0~

It was late by the time Harry returned, a new book under his arm. The room was empty and he graciously sat down on the plush couch in front of the flickering fire.

He had spent the rest of his morning sitting by the lake and reading before heading towards the Library to get another book rather than heading back to his dorm. Now he could finally relax since the room was abandoned at this time. It was around eleven and he had only been able to escape capture by Filtch with the help of his invisibility cloak.

Sitting quietly as he read, his shoes discarded and casually resting on the arm of the couch and his robes open, Harry was about halfway through _A List of Useful Charms_ when the fire suddenly soared up in green flames before dieing down to the usual red and orange. The only difference now was that there was a head in the fire.

"Sirius!"

The face in the fire smiled at him. "Hey Pup."

Harry carelessly left his book forgotten and fell to his knees in front of the fireplace, the largest smile in a long time on his face as he beamed at his Godfather. "How are you?"

"I'm good. Thanks for meeting me here Harry."

"Meeting you here?" Harry asked confused.

Sirius rose an eyebrow. "Didn't your friends didn't tell you I was coming?

At this, Harry's smile fell. "Were not really talking right now," he muttered bitterly, a sour mood taking over.

"Why not? Did something happen?"

Harry snorted and pulled up his knees to rest his head on. "What didn't happen?" he muttered bitterly.

"What do you mean?" Sirius asked, raising a burning eyebrow.

Harry's face scrunched up in anger before he sighed and smoothed out his face. He looked off to the side as he thought of a way to express his new... change to his godfather.

"I've... changed Sirius."

The man laughed. "I'm sure you're not the only one to do that, Pup! Though I will say that you're one hell of a late bloomer!"

The boy scowled at the man. "Hardy har har." Rolling his eyes, Harry unlocked himself from his unconsciously defensive position and sat facing the man who was like a father to him. "I'm not talking about puberty Sirius. I mean that... I've been thinking... a lot. About everything."

His tone must have been serious because his godfather suddenly lost his playful act and frowned at his godson, concerned. "What's wrong Harry?"

"Nothing's wrong... per se." He sighed. _'What to say? "No, nothing's wrong, but I've decided to abandon so called my friends and the war. So, how have you been?" Yeah, real smooth Harry.'_

"You can tell me anything pup," the man said, his voice pleading as his concern grew.

It was in that moment that Harry felt suddenly engulfed by sadness. _'No,' _he realized,_ 'I really can't.'_

However, there was still a part of Harry that wanted his godfather to be with him- to support his decision no matter where it led him. _'Would he come with me?'_ Harry wondered. '_Leave the war behind?'_ He starred at the worried face of Sirius Black and decided to find out. It was at least worth a try.

Staring straight into the man's eyes, Harry asked, his green eyes intense, "What if I told you that I was no longer friends with Ron and Hermione?"

Eyes wide with surprise, Sirius said, "Pup, surely-"

"And that I felt I could no longer trust those I used to," Harry cut him off, continuing as if he hadn't spoken. "I don't mean you Sirius. But hypothetically, if I told you that Dumbledore betrayed me, what would you do?"

The man narrowed his eyes at Harry looking both relieved and slightly irritated. "It's not good to pull that kind of prank on me. Dumbledore would never hurt you." His mood lightened considerably as he pushed Harry's actions aside as a joke.

"Hypothetically, if I felt hurt and realized that I was being played, would you follow me?" He continued, pushing the man.

"Follow you? Follow you where? Pup, what is this about?"

"Follow me... away." Harry may not have realized it, and Sirius most certainly didn't, but his eyes were begging, pleading for the man to agree; to put all his worries and struggles aside and run away with him. He didn't want to lose this man- one of the last few people who knew his parents, one of the last who really cared about him.

"Away? Harry, I know you told me that he hasn't been speaking to you this year, but he's a busy man. As the leader of the light, he's got an army to train, and people to see. He can't spend all his time talking to you. But as always, I'm sure he'll talk to you if you really needed to discuss something important with him."

Sirius didn't believe him. He thought this was all adolescent aggravation at being ignored. Actually, Harry hadn't thought all that much about Dumbledore not speaking to him for a while; he'd been too busy reading and working on improving his knowledge. It seemed so long ago now that he thought about it. So much has happened in such a short period of time that it felt like months already.

He felt his hope deflating quickly and in place was a black hole, pulling him down into a hopeless depression. His body felt numb and cold and Harry suddenly felt like crying.

"If you had to decide between Dumbledore and me, who would you pick?" It might have been low, Harry knew, but he needed to know!

Sirius grew silent as he assessed his godson. After a moment, he said, "I trust him, Harry. There is no reason to have to choose between you both. We're all in this together." He probably intended this to help solve Harry's mystery. It did not.

"If we weren't though. If I left the Light side. Would you leave with me so I wouldn't be alone?"

"Leave the Light side? Harry, what are you talking about? Dumbledore-"

"Dumbledore betrayed me!" Cried Harry, desperate. "He hurt me and is only using me! I refuse to do anything for that man. He has lost my trust, as have Ron and Hermione. I won't settle for other people ruling my life!" Harry was yelling and in the back of his mind he hoped beyond hope that everyone was sound asleep since he had forgotten to put up silencing wards.

"You're overreacting! Dumbledore has only ever tried to keep you happy-"

"Happy? Yeah right! I get sent home to abusive and neglecting relatives who are hell bent on beating magic and my freakishness out of me! Sure, that's for my happiness! And what about keeping me naïve when there's a fucking war going on with each side having their own plans for me. Of course he's keeping me happy. That's why I'm never really prepared to fight Voldemort when he tries to kill me at the end of every fucking year!"

Harry felt tears falling down his face but was doing nothing to stop them, to lost in his personal roller coaster of emotions. This was the first time he was bluntly revealing what he experienced at the hands of his relatives as well as breathing a word of his conclusions about Dumbledore to anyone. It was both relieving and consuming. He felt like he couldn't breath although he should feel as if he had a weight lifted off his shoulders.

"That is not true! He-"

"Why are you so bent on believing him over me?" Harry asked at last, his voice breathless and soft even as his emotions reached a peak.

Sirius drew silent before saying as calmly as possible, "It's not believing him over you, it's believing in the possible. It's not possible for Dumbledore to intentionally hurt you." The man spoke just as softly. "He loves you like his grandson. Everything he does, it's for you. He's not capable of what you're saying he is."

Harry felt the last of his hope leaving him and his eyes grow cold even as tears continued to flow from his eyes as if they themselves were made of water. "So simply because you think he can't do those things- because you haven't seem him do it- that I'm wrong? Misinformed? Confused?"

Suddenly, as his dark depression began to swallow him up, dragging him beneath the depths where light would never be able to get him, he remembered a line from his secret admirer. _'__But you do not see that as you are left involuntarily blinded to the harm those you trust could do.'_

Is it true? Had he been like that as well? Blindly following Dumbledore like a lost dog who could never see what the old man could do?

But he had broken free. He was not like Sirius, who was too set in his ways. Sirius wasn't careful like he was. The man hadn't been raised with nothing but hate and so developed an ever present doubt and hate for people beneath his consciousness. Not like Harry. He had always had his doubts of everyone around him, even if he hadn't noticed. How could he not? You don't forget ten years of hate, no matter the case. Sure, he had learned, through time, that not everyone was incapable of his trust. The twins for example. They had been by his side when things went south during the Triwizard Tournament and continued to silently support him.

He didn't know why he could trust them when he always felt slightly cautious around Ron and Hermione who had actively been with him. But when he had discovered that they, like Dumbledore, were trying to keep him dependent on them and controlling him, it was the hurt of realizing that he was unconsciously right about them all along, he now understood, that injured him the most.

"Yes," a voice interrupted his realizations and thoughts, softly whispered to him. "I love you Pup, but you're worrying me. You never talk like this. As if you wanted to stop fighting- to give up the war."

"And if I do? Want to give up the war that is. What would you do?" Harry spoke forcefully as he stared down at the man who would not see reason.

"I-... Harry, you can't be serious." The man looked utterly disbelieving.

"Why can't I be? Why can't I do the unthinkable and leave the war behind?"

"It's- It's more complicated than-"

"You did the unthinkable, didn't you Sirius? You left the Black family- the ancient and most noble house of Black. The darkest family in wizarding Britain. You refused them and their influence, instead getting sorted into Gryffindor and becoming best friends with your cousin, the Light and carefree James Potter, my father. You can do that, but I can't?"

Harry tilted his head, not blinking as he stared the man down, his face emotionless and dry as the close proximity to the fire dried the tear tracks from his face. "The situations are reversed, to an extent. Why can't I run, far far from the influence of the Light side and one Albus Dumbledore? Leave the hopeless bastards to their manipulative leader and watch from afar as both leaders tear themselves apart?"

He didn't care that he sounded cynical. It was true. They would fight, with or without him. Though he knew they would both search him out, never giving up until he was either in their clutches once more or dead respectfully. He would be on the run for his entire life, never completely safe. Yet he was willing to give it a try, making his own choices of his own free will. Freedom. That was one thing he was willing to fight for.

"Harry..." The voice of his godfather once more took him from his thoughts, but this time, Harry didn't want to hear more.

"Don't worry Sirius," Harry spoke with false cheerfulness, not bothering to care that Sirius could see the truth in his face clear as day as well as behind his words if he tried. "It was only a hypothetical situation."

The boy-who-lived rose from his place on the ground and walked over to his discarded book. "It's getting late and I'm tired. I'll talk to you later." He ignored the man as he tried to call him back over to the fire as he made his way to the staircase that led to his bed. Once reaching the archway, he turned to glace over his shoulder at the worried and near frantic eyes of Sirius and said, "Goodbye Sirius," both knowing, though one more than the other, the extent to which that goodbye was applied.

He turned and continued up the stairs as if he hadn't just lost the man most closest to him in his lifetime.

That night was spent in the arms of his secret admirer as he cried and released his secrets and fears to the man about his life and, for the first time, he felt safe and whole despite his pain.

* * *

><p>Thanks for reading! Don't forget to review! ~*Hearts*~<p> 


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

"_It just keeps getting better and better... yeah right!"_

Harry stared into the darkness around him that flickered occasionally, mimicking the movements of the candles that surrounded him and his companion. A heart beat steadily and comfortingly against his back, lulling him into a sense of love and safety he couldn't remember feeling before. Warmth encased him in the form of two strong arms wrapped around his chest and arms, holding him against the chest securely, but not at all confining. His body flowed with the one behind him, rising and falling with the other's chest.

The boy sighed in contentment and closed his eyes. He felt more than heard the chuckle of his companion as his chest vibrated ever so softly.

Unable to stop himself, Harry felt a grin stretch across his face. Eyes still closed, yet feeling happier, he asked, "What?"

"Oh, nothing." The boy-who-lived felt fingers gentle card through his dark locks. Even though he had only spent what could only be a few hours with this... man?... Harry had discovered that the other liked to touch and play with his hair. "I just find it odd how comfortable you are with me."

Harry hummed. "Why is that?" he asked curiously. After all, since the male was a figment of his imagination, wouldn't it be normal to feel comfortable around him? Being that it was in fact himself.

The man made no move to answer his question and after a moment of silence, Harry opened his eyes and turned around to face the man curiously as the arms around him dropped to let him. "What is it? What's wrong?"

The figure was still for another moment before his tense posture relaxed and he gave off what Harry guessed was a smile by the way his aura was relaxing and lightening. His secret admirer reached forward and ran his fingertips down the side of Harry's cheek leaving a tingling heat in their wake. "You beautiful Harry," the voice finally spoke.

Surprised by the sudden compliment, Harry blushed and looked away, settling back against his secret admirer.

The man chuckled again. "Why so shy, my raven?"

Harry huffed and chose to ignore his admirer's teasing.

Arms came to wrap around him once more, though this time they deliberately pulled him flush against the others clothed chest as the man leaned in to whisper in his ear, "I am nothing but serious Harry. You are perfect."

Great. Now his thoughts weren't safe. "You can tell what I'm thinking?"

The figure moved and leaned in to place a kiss against Harry's temple. "We're both in your mind. Your thoughts and I are practically one in the same when you're here."

"Where is 'here' exactly?"

He felt the other shrug carelessly. "In your mind I would assume. In some creation you built subconsciously to escape reality. That's what called me here."

Leaning into the man, Harry rested his head against the others shoulder. "Called you?"

There was a brief pause before, "Summoned me. As a part of you, I've been with you for a long time. I know you Harry, inside and out. This new place that suddenly erected inside your mind, almost like Occlumency but reverse, surprised me. Instead of keeping things locked in, it keeps things locked out. I can still hear your thoughts, see what you see, recall your memories- anything in your mind. But it is almost as if this is a second plane in your mind, a space alternate to reality and dreams. I can remain here, with form, just as you can visit. It's still a part of you, but you've created this place for us to be, so I can be here for you, in person so to speak, rather than an unformed part- a memory, a piece of something, an idea."

He trailed off, and Harry was keen to notice how his voice held a sort of respect and awe as the person continued.

_'Should I feel complimented when a part of myself respects my abilities?'_ Harry wondered silently to himself. At the same time he felt the form behind him laughed lightly.

As he leaned into the form of the man behind him, he relaxed and allowed the others comfort to envelop him and take away his sorrows. He couldn't remember or possibly even guess how long they stayed like that, simply breathing and existing in a peaceful silence.

All too soon, Harry felt the other shift behind him and press his head against his shoulder. Leaning his face against Harry's, the man muttered deeply, "It's time to wake up, Love."

Groaning, Harry turned around in the arms of his secret admirer and unthinkingly cuddled into the other, at the same time wrapping his arms around him. "Don't want to," Harry spoke back, his voice obscured by the cloth of the other' shirt. His arms gripped the shirt- dark forest green tonight- as if a way to anchor himself to this part of his mind and not go back.

The man simply chuckled. "You have to go." A hand gently carded itself through his tousled hair. "Don't worry." Suddenly, Harry felt lips pressing against his head. "I'll see you tonight."

And with that, as if plucked up by a vortex and thrown through space, Harry found himself released and back in his bed.

Eyes snapping open, Harry stared at the canopy of his bed above him for a moment before groaning and squeezing his eyes shut while pressing the heels of his hands hard enough to create colored spots in his vision. "Not fair!" he groaned out in an annoyed voice to nothing and no one in particular.

Sighing resignedly, Harry rolled over and off his bed, landing on his feet and rising lazily. Rubbing his hair, he thought, _'This sucks,' _with a pout before sighing once more and heading for his morning shower.

Just as he passed his bed, his eye caught movement. Quickly,- much too quickly for a person who was just surprised and not threatened by an enemy's appearance and purpose- Harry turned and faced it, his breath frozen in his chest.

Letting out a sigh of relief, Harry smiled when he realized it was only Neville. Curtains tied, the boy sat on the bed, legs crossed in front of him. He had his eyes on Harry and his face was uncharacteristically drawn.

Confused and a little cautious, Harry approached his dorm mate. "Hey Neville."

"Harry." The other replied, his tone serious and a little hesitant.

The boy-who-lived tilted his head to the side and looked at the boy across from him. "What's wrong?" He was tense and his pajamas didn't hide that too well. _'Of course. When I need to have slept in my robes. Merlin, lady luck likes to screw me over.'_ Still, he tried to give off a carefree attitude and appearance.

Not buying it for a second, Neville said, his eyes not wavering, "I heard you last night."

An instant later, Neville found himself inches away from the tip of a holy and phoenix feather wand. Unwavering, straight, and strong, Harry held his wand aimed at the boy as he eyes narrowed at the unresisting, yet obviously scared young man. "What exactly did you hear?" His voice was low and cold- detached for what he might have to do.

Shaking yet determined, Neville asked, "Is it true that you're planning to leave the war and the light side behind?"

Harry's grip on his wand tighten impossibly. "Then you know why I have to do this," he spoke with readable guilt and sorrow as he prepared to Obliviate his... friend?

Before he could, however, Neville replied, "I want to go with you."

The boy-who-lived froze. Staring at the other in disbelief, Harry's face contorted in confusion. "You want to come with me?"

More confident now, Neville answered, "Yes." His voice was still a little shaky but he was getting a little better at ignoring the wand pointed in between his eyes. "I agree with you. I don't want to follow the light- especially Dumbledore."

At the obvious dislike expressed in his voice, Harry hesitated before pocketing his wand and crossing his arms as he looked the other over. "Any why is that?" he asked after raising one of his eyebrows.

Neville's gaze dropped to the comforter before he scowled. "I hate this war. The options are following the man who ordered my family's assassination which resulted in their loss of reality or following the side of those who whisper behind my back about how weak I am- about how I'm a disappointment to wizards and my parents' sacrifice." The normally peaceful and passive boy was now full out glaring at his bed.

_'If looks could kill, his bed would most certainly be suffering,'_ Harry thought absentmindedly.

Surprised by all this, Harry dropped his arms and walked around the others bed to sit down- not too close mind you.

"If you've felt this way, why haven't you tried improving your studies? Or even focusing on changing your side to neutral?" He made sure to keep his voice down even as he cast silencing and privacy spells around the bed. _'Nothing like learning from your mistakes,' _thought Harry sourly.

"I have tried!" replied Neville as he threw himself onto his back in exasperation. "I have trouble grasping the material. Nothing makes sense! And I always feel stunted when I cast spells. I'm too weak!"

Harry stared at the usually quiet boy in surprise and amazement. _'Who would have thought that Neville Longbottom would be so animated?'_ Then something caught his attention. Eyes suddenly serious, Harry threw himself over the now ranting boy and pinned him down to the bed. Forcing the other to focus on him when he couldn't break free, Harry waited until Neville stilled below him and met his eyes. "Neville, is what you just told me the truth?" His voice was deathly quiet and calm even as his eyes bore into the frightened boy below him.

He received only a nod in return.

"Then I'm going to ask you to do something. It will sound weird but don't question in." He finished as he caught Neville opening his mouth to ask.

Confused, the boy only nodded, his face contorted.

"Okay." Harry took a deep breath and closing his eyes briefly. Opening them, he said, "I want you to calm yourself; your mind, your body, everything. Just breath."

Neville visibly hesitated, but figuring that he couldn't get away if he tried, he acquiesced. Closing his own eyes, Neville took a few deep breaths of his own. It took more time than Harry would have thought but soon enough, Neville's body became lax under his own and his breathing evened out. He appeared to be sleeping but when Harry asked, "Are you okay?" he got a nod in response.

"Good. Now, I want you to try something- something I did a little while ago myself." He paused, not sure whether or not to reveal this much about himself to another person. But he rationalized that if Neville truly wanted to follow him and confronted him, than he could- at the very least- put his trust into him. It would be his test. If Neville ratted him out to Dumbledore or one of the teachers, he would be left behind with no second thought. Of course, that might sound harsh, but Harry knew that this was nothing compared to what it could be. He was literally bringing another person, a being with their own mind and opinions into his plans. He would not and could not stand for anyone betraying him.

He continued, "Think back to all the times you've been picked on." The face of the slightly chubby boy scrunched up in discomfort. He didn't know why he had a particular soft spot for the kid,- maybe because he reminded Harry of himself at one point; of what Harry could have been like if he hadn't made friends or developed talent in magic- but Harry tried to ease his pain as much as possible. "I know this is uncomfortable for you Neville, but it_ needs_ to be done." _'I need to be sure if you're being manipulated as I was.'_

"Think through all the times you were picked on or heard others talking bad about you." He paused. "And more importantly, think about every time you have contemplated leaving the light side."

Neville's eyes opened and he stared at the boy above him. His eyes were a clear hazel and had a sheen of water making him appear as if he was a porcelain doll. It caused an invisible shiver to run down Harry's back.

The boy-who-lived didn't pull away, but he grew uncomfortable. He knew that, although he was staring at him, Neville was still thinking, though this time, more clearly and focused. He also realized the exact moment Neville came up short.

Sighing in both relief and- surprise- disappointment, Harry rolled himself off the other boy. Laying himself right beside him, Harry rubbed his eyes after removing his glasses. What had he expected? Everyone to be manipulated like he was? He let out a quiet and exasperated sound as he flung his arms to his sides. _'Of course not. I'm bloody special. I'm the boy-who-lived.' _He scowled. _'I'll always be the main one to needs to be controlled- who needs to be manipulated.'_

He didn't move from his spot even as he watched with acute senses as Neville sat up and turned to face him. "What was all that about?"

Returning his glasses to his nose, he only stared at the top of the bed as he replied, "I guess nothing." He sighed before sitting up to face his new companion. "I wanted to see if Dumbledore was manipulating you as he had me."

Harry watched Neville as grasped what he said, his eyes never leaving the other.

"You mean he cast some sort of spell on you?"

Harry nodded, hoping the boy opposite him grasped that Harry was trusting him with this. It was his own way of letting him know that he was accepted.

"Yeah. I only found out about it after... some prompting I guess." He smiled sort of sheepishly.

Neville tilted his head. "Huh?"

Harry flashed a small private smile before saying, "It's nothing." He wasn't ready just yet for anyone to learn about his tipster- the same person who seemed to fancy him. "But after some help, I found that I was being... blocked I guess would be the best word. I couldn't think or remember certain events that would have helped me make better choices in my life." He turned to face the boy again, not having realized he had drifted slightly in his thoughts.

The boy suddenly looked panicked. "Then I could be manipulated?"

Harry shook his head. "You would have noticed with my prompting. It can't be as high level in construction for fear it might have actually altered our minds too far." He remembered the last bit from reading a book before the summer after his second year. He had tried to find more about Professor Lockheart's Obliviate and had come across a book on other mind magics.

Harry suddenly scowled. _'And the ability rears it's head once more,' _he thought irritably. It wasn't that he didn't like being able to remember things he read or heard easily, but it was the mere idea that it had been kept from him for years.

Neville didn't notice his sudden change in mood and continued, "But just because you found it doesn't mean that I would have! You're a lot more powerful than I am." He didn't say this was resentment or jealousy and Harry found himself becoming more and more comfortable with the idea of having Neville around. _'It'd be nice to not be alone forever.' _Not that he had plans of staying with Neville for any amount of time relatively close to forever- just for a little while while they escaped the hell they were somehow forced into without a choice.

Harry suddenly smiled, amused and bemused. His eyes glittered ever so slightly in happiness as he said, "You know Neville, that may very well be the issue."

Said boy gave him a questioning look.

"Confidence." Harry turned his body to face the boy completely. "If you don't believe in yourself or your magic, your magic will reflect that." Harry drew his wand, ignoring when Neville flinched slightly. He smirked. "You have one thing that not many do, Neville. My _trust_. And because of that, you won't ever have to worry about this." He flicked his wand to make a point and only when the boy nodded did he flick it again and made and white, orange, and black sparks shoot from the tip of his wand. They began to intertwine and circle the two occupants in the bed.

"This is magic. Wizards and witches are born with it inside of them- even squibs. It grows as we do, feels as we do." His tone was educating even as his voice became wispy in reverence, his eyes staying on Neville as the boy's gaze followed the circling strings of color. His own green eyes, wide with knowledge and power shone eerily in the darkness of the early day. "That is why our magic goes haywire when our emotions do- it mimics them. They are intertwined just as these colors are."

The colors continued to flow like one around them, a masterpiece of silent and soothing dances.

"You need to have confidence in yourself to have confidence in your magic." Harry flicked his wand again and the colors disappeared even more suddenly then they appeared. Harry was amused to see Neville shake his head as if he was woken from a trance.

Taking down the spells with practiced easy, Harry said, "Practice and trust yourself." He turned back and smiled at the boy. Spotting Neville's discarded wand that had been lost in their previous struggle, Harry picked it up to hand it to the boy when the moment he touched it, he felt a dark lick of magic when he got too close. He hissed and pulled his hand back.

Surprised by the action, Neville stood up as well and picked up his wand in confusion.

Seeing that nothing happened, Harry said, "Neville, where'd you get that wand?"

"Um... It was my dads." The boy looked down at it with a mix of love, happiness, and hate.

"Get rid of it." Harry spoke with finality, his eyes focused on the wand in the others hand with a look of disgust.

"What? Why?" Ashed Neville, griping the wand to his chest in defense.

Harry only turned to stare into the boy. "Because that's probably what is stunting you magic."

Neville's eyes widened. "W-what?"

Sighing and rubbing his temples, Harry decided to make it a goal to help Neville become the best wizard he could be. It was becoming tiring answering these obvious questions. "Neville, a person's wand is an extension of themselves as well as a magical match to their core. As special as that wand is to you sentimentally, it's damaging your abilities. Keep it, fine, but get another wand to use. Since it's not a match to you, it's only spitting out the mediocre amount of magic for a spell. Which is probably why your performance in classes is what brings down your grades." The boy blushed at the mention of his obvious failures and looked away.

"It's giving the wand a magical build up. All the extra magic you put into the spell that is not actually used by the wand is mixing inside of the core of that wand. It's detrimental to you and your skills."

Harry turned and decided to pick up where he left off earlier- getting ready for his day which he was now late for. _'Great. More reading that won't get done.' _He smiled to himself. _'But I guess it wasn't a total loss.'_ "Ask your grams to take you to Olivanders next weekend. The sooner you get your matching wand, the sooner we can start on fixing that confidence problem of yours."

He walked into the bathroom and shut the door after him, but not before spotting Neville staring at his wand before putting it down and giving him a smile of gratitude.

Maybe having someone else around wasn't all that bad after all.

~0~

It was Sunday and Harry was sad to seek the weekend go. He sat in his corner chair, as isolated from the others as much as he could be while in a small room with thirty or so other students. Having finished two more of his books by noon, he was waiting on Neville so they could head to the library. If anyone needed those basic books, Neville did.

He smiled behind his History of Magic test book as he heard the other rushing and almost stumbling down the stares in a rush. _'So clumsy,'_ thought Harry as he calmly closed the book and set it aside for later.

Standing gracefully, Harry brushed his robes down carelessly before raising his eyes to meet those of the out of breath Neville Longbottom. Raising an eyebrow at his friend's disgruntled appearance, Harry stared.

"What?" Asked Neville, looking down at himself. His robes were askew and his hair still wet from his late shower. His vest was wrinkled and he didn't have on his tie.

"Nothing," replied Harry, amusement in his voice. He turned around and began walking to the portrait hole with his friend tailing behind him. "I would have waited Neville. You didn't have to hurry to get ready."

He guessed more than saw that Neville was blushing slightly. "Well, yeah... but you asked me to go which means you're going out of your way to spend time helping me. After all, you've become a very independent person. I know you'd rather spend time alone now than with others." His voice traveled off as he reached the end of his sentence.

"Oh?" was all Harry replied with, though inside his head, he was worrying. _'If Neville can see the changed, then-'_

"Harry!"

Said boy's fists tightened inside his robes and hate sprang up in his gut instantaneously. _'Think of the devil and she shall come,' _Harry thought bitterly. "What Hermione?" He could only imagine what this was about. Ron and Hermione hadn't spoken since he insulted them both in the Great Hall on Friday.

"Where have you been?" she asked exasperatedly. She rolled her eyes as she met up with him, her hair looking out of sorts as she rushed across the room.

Harry looked at her nonchalantly and raised an eyebrow in response to her familiar tone. He couldn't be forgiven- not without having uttered a single apology. That wasn't the way she worked. Even her eyes gave away her hurt and anger as she glanced up into his eyes for a moment before looking away; appearing as if she was still looking at him.

He stared down at her in silence for a moment before saying, "Around." He paused. "Why? What business is it of yours?"

She stubbornly ignored his obvious dislike and instead opted for, "I've been looking for you everywhere!" She looked around conspiratorially before trying to pull him to the side away from the crowd.

Evading her grip, he stood his ground and narrowed his eyes in aggravation. "What Hermione?" he repeated his earlier question with exasperation.

She placed her hands on her hips in what he guessed was suppose to be an intimidating gesture. _'There she goes again, trying to get me to do things by manipulating me.' _He smirked internally. '_Well, two can play at that game. Just you wait.'_

"Fine. Be unnecessarily stubborn." She huffed and flipped her hair irritably. "I want to talk to you about starting a-" She suddenly cut herself off and looked around, paranoid. Moving closer to him and unknowingly making him cringe in disgust, she whispered while still looking around at their oblivious company, "Starting a DADA club to work on what we're not learning in class."

The boy-who-lived pulled back shocked and surprised. "What?"

She huffed again. "Oh, come on Harry. You can't honestly think that Umbride is actually a worthy teacher!"

Suddenly very angry he got into her face. "Why? Huh? Why can't I? What makes you so sure I even care about the way she does things?" He didn't back away and only crossed his arms as he glared at her.

Gaping, Hermione stared at his in disbelief. "Y-you can't be serious Harry!"

"And if I was?"

"She's a monster! Look at what she did to you!" She grasped his left hand before he could evade it. She held it up for his examination as if he didn't already know what was there. _"I must not tell lies."_

Pulling his hand back, he gave her such a dark look that she even blushed in embarrassment. "Sorry."

He only snorted before glaring once more. "Yes, _thank you_ Hermione. I some how forgot those words that were carved into my hand only two months ago. How silly of me!"

"I'm _sorry_," she repeated with more feeling this time. "I didn't mean to upset you." she had her head down, but suddenly took hold of his clenching hands and stared into his eyes. "But _please_ Harry! We need you."

"We?" His brows furrowed before he understood what she was implying. "Me? You want _me_ to teach?" He spoke in disbelief, his eyes disbelieving. She let go of his limp hands at that look.

"You _are_ the best at defense..." she carried off, once more looking at the ground.

Silence.

"You've **got** to be kidding me!" he suddenly spoke loudly, his mind just rejecting the entire idea as absurd. "You want **me** to teach _them_? The ones who whisper behind my back? The ones who think I'm making it all up about Voldemort being back?" He laughed- hard. Clutching his stomach as he gasped for breath past his hysterical laughter, he nearly fell to the floor._ 'Priceless!' _he thought. _'Those hypocrites and cowards? Yeah right!'_

"Harry, I'm serious!" She stomped her foot indignantly.

_'How childish,'_ he thought when he was finally able to get control of himself- along with the attention of most of the common room which he ignored purposely.

He straightened up and looked down his nose at her. "As am I. Why would I want to help those unreliable and _untrustworthy _people? Huh? Give me one good reason." He crossed his arms again and restrained himself from tapping his foot. _'This is such a waste of my time.'_

"Listen, I won't do it. I don't want to and, more importantly, I don't have to. It's my life, my choice." She made to continue so he only said, "And wouldn't that be against one of Umbridge's new 'laws?' Hmm?" She snapped her mouth shut and glowered at him. He continued. "Sure, your okay with breaking the rules when it's _**you**_ who needs something out of it. But whenever I break some rule, not matter how small, I never hear the end of it from the know-it-all, Hermione Granger. Heaven forbid I _ever_ break the rules because something needs to be done!"

He sneered and watched with happiness as she withdrew into herself, offended. "What? Nothing to say?" He snorted. "Of course not." He huffed and shook his robes briefly as if they had been dirtied by her closeness. "Stupid hypocrite," he said clearly for her to hear before passing by her stunned form and continuing in his path to the library.

He felt Neville fall into step behind him instantly. The boy had been quiet for the entire event, and for that, Harry was thankful.

Once clear of the listening portrait and and possible Gryffindors dallying about, he spoke, his tone serious; commanding. "You were right Neville. I have changed a bit." His eyes were narrowed in hatred and anger. He could feel his magic building under his skin, ready for his use. "Maybe I need to monitor my actions a bit more... or at least learn to adequately protect myself against possible... threats." The other didn't comment and Harry didn't think anything less because of it. The boy was naturally quiet and he seemed to be taking to Harry's leadership more than Harry himself.

To Neville, Harry's tone was one of a leader planning battle; calm, collective, and knowledgeable. There was no need to contradict him when he spoke in that tone- it was as if he was a seasoned leader of one of the sides at war- though not as crazy as either.

Harry immediately began walking at a brisk pace, his robes snapping into action behind him. _'If Hermione's on my tail, then it won't be long before Dumbledore begins to suspect something.' _He found himself grinding his teeth in irritation and the attempt to keep himself grounded. _'First thing's first; find out how to block Dumbledore. Second: find a place to release this pent up anger.'_

With that decided, they both headed for their destination in an understanding silence. Understanding because Harry needed to think and Neville was more than happy to let him do so.

_'I need to protect myself. Or, more importantly, my mind.' _He searched his now endless mind for answers to his dilemma. He remembered his secret admirer mentioning as well as as having read about it once when it was briefly mentioned in his search of mind spells. _'Hm. Maybe it's time to look more into __Occlumency.__..'_

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><p>Thanks for reading! Don't forget to review! ~*Hearts*~<p> 


	7. Chapter 7

So, who's surprised this story was updated at all? *Raises hand* Who never doubted it? *Crickets* Yep. That seems to be a pattern in all my longer stories. I do apologize, but hey, I never promised constant, quick, and great updates. XD

As mentioned on my profile, basically, all stories are on hold. ^^" I'm just not that into this anymore. I still write fanfiction, but more DBSK fandom, and not on FFN so... But if things go well, who the hell knows?

I do want to thank all of you for reviewing and for those of you are do still suport this story. I hope this is a good update and can lead to more sometime in the future. :D More support?

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><p><strong>Chapter Seven<strong>

_'Well... this might come in handy at least...'_

_'Damn it!'_ Harry thought in frustration. That had been the last book on Occlumency in the library. _'How am I suppose to learn to shield my mind with obscure definitions that are repeated throughout each book?'_ "It's like they're trying to make this difficult for me," Harry murmured in foul irritation. Closing the book, Harry sighed deeply and he dropped his head into his awaiting arms. Six hours! They had been here for six hours and he had yet to come up with anything!

The boy-who-lived groaned as he tried to bury himself farther into the depth of his arms. This was useless. What was the point of mentioning a subject if the book hardly gave any written material about it?

"You all right there, Harry?" asked Neville. Harry could immediately detect the hidden undertones of concern.

"Of course Neville," Harry replied, gracefully pulling himself into a sitting position. He stood to pick up the first stack of books he had brought out for his search when he paused. As if annoyed, Harry rubbed his temples before sighing and sitting back down. Looking to his companion, Harry surveyed Neville for a bit.

A pure-blood, yes, but lacking any grace or confidence. He looked awkward in his own skin. Gangly limbs and a slightly chubby face, he wasn't what witches would call attractive. And as far as he'd heard, the Longbottom's weren't rich. They held a seat in Wizengamot, and had a few properties and vaults, but nothing substantial. Come to think of it, Harry realized that he might have higher standing than the Longbottoms.

Putting that stray thought aside, Harry decided he would need to look up more information on wizarding society before he jumped headlong into it.

This boy was putting his future in his hands. That wasn't something that was easily come by, Harry knew. If he was going to trust Neville, it would be best to have the other's trust in return. The best way to do that is to tell him the truth.

After another moment of silence, Harry watched as Neville shifted uncomfortably underneath his unblinking and penetrating stare. Drawing himself into action, Harry shook his head. Making his choice, Harry said, "Actually Neville, no. Not really."

The boy looked up startled.

"I need better information that what's in these books." He gestured to the fifteen or so books littering their hidden table.

"You've read them all already?" The boy asked in astonishment, still on his first book about the Devil's Snare.

Smirking at his companion's choice of reading material, Harry nodded. "I've already read a few of them before and I skimmed the rest. None of them hold the information about Occlumency I need." He frowned as his gaze traversed the piles. "It's like all the information is the same."

"Well, Grans sometimes tells me that Hogwarts library is lacking."

Harry's eyes shot to the boy in surprise. "Is that so? I've never found that." It was left unsaid that Hermione had been the one to find their books and he had only recently gotten into his self study.

Neville only shrugged, his mind once again caught by something in the book. "For course material, no. But if you were looking for something not on the curriculum, it's hard to find anything worth wile," he spoke dismissively.

Harry leaned on his elbow while his free hand began lightly tapping the surface of the table as he thought. _'Interesting.' _"Do you know why?"

"Hm? Not really."

The boy-who-lived was quick to note how comfortable the boy became while talking to him. _'It's amazing what a person could become when he wasn't pressured or suppressed.'_ Harry grinned when he realized that that particular statement also applied to him. It wasn't an innocent smile by any means. It was wicked with a cruel kind of edge to it. _'We go leaps and bounds when the chains are released.'_ Harry smirked.

"Gran said it's because of Dumbledore. That when he became Headmaster, he took away hundreds of books because he feared what some of them contained." Neville continued, unaware of his friend's train of thought. "She likes to tell me every time I mail for a book that the restricted section has more than doubled since her years at Hogwarts."

Harry didn't register his fists tightening until he felt them crack and tremble with the lack of blood circulation. _'Meddlesome fool! What right does he have to take away knowledge that belonged to the students?'_ It seemed that no matter where he turned, he met a wall that was erected by that deceitful and manipulative man. _'Bloody hell.'_

Standing up abruptly and causing the other to suddenly drop his book onto his lap, Harry swiftly turned and made his way out of the library.

"Where are you going?" he heard the worried and still shocked whisper of Neville.

"Somewhere beyond his reach." he responded before he was out of earshot. Dumbedore had a lot to answer for and Harry would make sure that he paid for his mistakes- every last one. He had a lot to learn, he knew, but this was only the beginning.

~0~

Walking down a long and deserted hallway identical in many aspects to others before it, Harry thought in silence with only the constant sound of the clicking from his shoes to keep him company. _'The man runs all of Hogwarts. I'd have to go outside. Not far thought. I can't risk having people spot me leaving nor being outside the wards.' _Mentioning wards brought up a sudden shift in his thinking that he was all too ready to follow.

_'What else? All of Hogwarts is warded but what about the inner parts of the school? Isn't that how teachers detect rowdy students or restricted magic?'_ "Damn it!" Harry scowled. _'Much like the marauder's map, what if Dumbledore can locate me at any moment?' _That's not good. Harry needed to find a place away from the old coot.

"Your lacking the usual Humbdingers today Harry," came a serene voice.

Head shooting up at the sudden voice, Harry spotted a girl with silver-white hair sitting on the edge of an open window, her legs draped casually on the inside, an upside down Quibbler in her hands.

Embracing the nagging feeling in his head, Harry recalled having met her before._ 'What had Hermione called her? Loony? No, that's not it...' _"Your... Luna Lovegood, correct?"

The girl only hummed softly, neither confirming nor denying the claim, but he knew he was right. She had yet to make any moves. "How are you feeling?" Her voice was soft and whimsical, giving off the naïve and out-of-it vibe that many must have associated with her. Yet something about her drew him closer; a feeling he wasn't about to dismiss without any investigation.

"Well," he responded neutrally, yet finding it slightly friendly. He frowned even as he found himself walking to stand opposite her.

She lowered the magazine revealing crystal blue and silver eyes that looked unseeing and far off as if she wasn't actually focusing on him.

_'Hm. It does appear as if she's off in her own world.' _

"That's good." She appeared cheerful and even smiled slightly at him. "The Humbdingers are known to bring down their prey emotionally and even sometimes physically, though the later only during their mating season."

"I-... I'm sorry, but, _what_?" His brow furrowed as he stared at the girl. He only realized as he became level with her that he had joined her. Sitting with her was odd, simply because he didn't know her, yet he felt as if it wasn't odd at all- that it was natural.

She titled her head. "The Humbdingers. They've been surrounding you since the first moment I saw you."

Deciding to humor the girl, he smirked as he leaned back against the cool stone. "Really? And when was that?"

"Since I first started here- four years ago."

At this, the boy-who-lived frowned. _'Four years?'_

"And this year too. I'm surprised that you got rid of them though. They are particularly stubborn creatures." She was staring at him without really seeing him, almost as if she was seeing right through him.

Harry suddenly felt chills at her look even as he felt entranced by her stare, or more specifically, her eyes. They appeared too large for her face and revealing as well as innocent. They appeared as if she saw a make-believe fairytale world, yet she also saw her surroundings. _'How interesting,'_ Harry thought, tilting his head slightly so to get a different angle of perspective. Harry felt himself giving into the pull to be closer to her even as he leaned forward on arm to look closer at her.

He knew to any onlooker, he gave off an arrogant and confident posture as he smirked at her, his chin held in the palm if his hand, his elbow resting against the leg not casually splayed over the edge. On the inside, however, he was captivated by this fairytale this girl seemed so wrapped up in. He had already spotted her Ravenclaw robes, so he knew she wasn't stupid- or by any means loony. As she sighed dreamily and her eyes began to drift to some point above his head, Harry thought, _'Well, at least not completely loony.'_ He felt a genuine smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

"Is that so?" He murmured softly. Harry found himself quite taken with the little fourth year. She was entertaining at the least. Humoring her couldn't hurt.

Luna only hummed once more before her eyes focused back on him- or focused as much as was apparently possible with Luna Lovegood anyway. "I'm glad you succeeded Harry. You look refreshed."

Tilting his head a bit more, Harry let loose one small smile in response, his eyes shinning ever so slightly with happiness. Something about her was very captivating and calming. She was like a whole knew breed of person and atmosphere. "Thanks."

Giving her one more smile, Harry stood and brushed off his robes slightly. "It was lovely speaking to you again Ms. Lovegood and I hope to run into you again soon." He bowed teasingly and gave her a cheeky grin before turning to leave.

He only made it a few steps and was about to turn the corner when he heard, "Oh, and Harry? You might find what your looking for actually in the castle. Magic is a wonderful thing, you know."

When he turned around abruptly as her comment registered, he spotted her already making her way down the corridor, a sweeping dance-like pace in her steps. _'How did she...' _She couldn't possibly be talking about a secretive location, could she? But how would she know...

Shaking his head in bemusement, Harry turned and continued on his aimless path throughout the castle. _'She's a strange one that's for sure. Yet refreshing,'_ he thought idly.

~0~

He'd been walking through the castle for over an hour, simply thinking. He followed his feet without intentionally traveling anywhere and found himself in another abandoned corridor. _'Damn. I'll never get anywhere like this,'_ Harry thought irritably.

_'I need a place to be alone; undetected. A place to study and practice magic without having to worry about being spotted, followed, or interrupted. Where would-'_

Harry was suddenly cut of but a load groaning sound to his right. Movement from the corner of his eye had Harry turning to see large, black double doors forming from the wall. They nearly reached the ceiling, making them at least twelve feet high. Although wood, they were engraved with silver steal designs and looked... well, they looked damn intimidating. _'What is this?' _wondered Harry as he unfolded the Marauder's Map from his back pocket. Taking his eyes off the door for only a moment to assess where he was, he saw his dot standing... in front of a wall.

Rearing back in confusion, Harry drew his eyes brows together in confusion. Looking back to the still standing doors, he checked again. _'Nope.' _But that made no sense. They had to lead somewhere. Especially since they appeared out of no where. Wouldn't the Marauders have added this in? _'Not if they didn't know about it,' _a voice added.

Curious despite the raging need to be cautious, Harry took a step towards the door. When nothing happened, he reached out and barely touched the handle before rearing back at the sudden shock he felt. There was only a moment of silence before there was a loud reverberating groaning sound as the doors began to open. Wand in hand and posture defensive, Harry waited for an attack. Perhaps it was one of the twins left over pranks or a cruel joke someone wanted to play. When the doors opened enough for him to see inside, however, he felt... awe.

Harry felt his eyes widen as he took in the sight before him.

An enormous library with columns and columns of books, each reaching a ceiling as high as the one in the Great Hall. They towered over him, filled to the brim with hundreds of thousands of books, all different in color and size. The smell of paper- of knowledge had Harry inhaling sharply, almost overcome with the abrupt feeling.

He hadn't even realized he had entered the room until the sound of the doors sealing shut behind him rand around the silent room. The clicks of at least ten different locks sounded and Harry felt... at ease. Although he probably should have been worrying if he would ever get out again, he was too hypnotized by the beauty of the room.

The stacks of identically massive shelves seemed to run on endlessly, giving Harry the knowledge that the room was even bigger than what should be possible to keep hidden.

Had he been in his right mind, he would have masked his amazement and longing as he stared at the books and walked through the center isle. "I love magic," he said in near ecstasy, his voice only a whisper.

Sunlight warmed him at it touched him through the windows he knew shouldn't exist and his eyes closed in bliss. This place... it burned with magic and knowledge. His breath came out shakily as he felt his body nearly shudder. This... this is what he had wanted.

When he opened his eyes once more, he saw a large gap in the usual repetition of stacks. Tilting his head to the side ever so slightly, Harry went to investigate.

Once passed the the eight lines of stacks, they room gave way to a large circular opening with a long rectangular table centered. Light landed on the table, lightening it up naturally. It had several empty, cushioned chairs but was bare otherwise.

Or so he thought. Upon closer inspection, happy spotted a stack of papers sitting innocently on the surface. Biting his tongue in apprehension, Harry cast a few revelation spells, approaching only when they came up with nothing.

Picking up the obviously warn yet sturdy papers, Harry started reading. He got past the first few sentences before gaping like an idiot. They were notes from Ravenclaw and Slytherin!

_"...with the idea to be a private library. No one should be kept from knowledge and only so much can be placed in the official library. Restrictions are beginning to grow with the Ministry's growth of power. Salazar suggested a magically safeguarded room. There are so many things wrong with that, but at the same time, my mind tells me I cannot let knowledge be denied to those who seek it. It isn't right."_

The first few pages read more on the initial idea and only under several more papers did Harry see the writing change, become more masculine. There were hand drawn outlines of the room and pages upon pages of spells and enchantments.

_"In it's completion, the Room of Requirement will be a forever, self-expanding library of magically copied texts. With every book to enter Hogwarts, an identical copy will appear and fill the shelves. I cannot stand the idea of power being taken away from our students. Godric and Helga agree of course, but little can be done. The less that know of this project, the better. Besides, if the Ministry caught wind of this, it would be better to keep them safe and unaware. Rowena and myself were the best at Occlumency after all."_

The papers were unconsciously placed back on the table as Harry's mind became a whirlwind of thought. He tried to grasp and settle them, surprised by the complexity and secrecy of the room. Two of the founders of Hogwarts had created this room. They intentionally created it to keep knowledge open. They respected knowledge and understood it to mean power. Even Dumbledore couldn't have known about it- could he? He would have gone to great lengths to destroy or hide it, wouldn't he?

It didn't matter, he realized. He would make use of it.

Smiling, Harry breathed in the scent of books and sighed, feeling lightheaded. Strength and safety were in these books, he was sure of it. Raising a wand, Harry cast a locator spell. "Occlumency..." he whispered reverently, a smirk of satisfaction rising to his lips when he felt himself tugged in a distinct direction. "Oh, Dumbledore, just wait."

~0~

Harry sat on his bed, several special books laid out in front of him, his curtains spelled shut around him. A light hovered above his head as he made notes in the margins of Mind Magic- Untested Boundaries. These books covered everything from theory to medetation to incantations. Harry had made a split second decision when he found that the light never changed as time passed outside the ROR.

He grabbed the more important books, leaving the others open and in place on the table and left, intent to see if the books he took from the library would be copied too. The Ravenclaw's notes didn't say anything about that, but if they copied themselves, he could sooner rather than later make his own library from the rare and priceless tombs in flawless condition. Of course he would have to limit himself because so many books would be too hard to hide...

Then again, maybe not.

Grabbing a free a piece of paper and some ink, Harry made quick work of a letter requesting a new and enlarged, lightweight trunk that would be locked through spells. He could hide all important books he wanted to take with him in his trunk until he left the school. They'd be safe from inspection that way too.

Putting his finished draft away and hiding his books in his current trunk, Harry got ready for bed, easily falling into a comfortable sleep with a light smile on his face.

_'Things might actually be getting better...'_

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><p>Thanks for reading! Don't forget to review! ~*Hearts*~<p> 


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